A betch's kitchen serves the same purpose as her white gold Chanel watch: it makes her look like a real person. It might be completely pointless, but having a nice kitchen makes you look a little more mature than a girl who gets home at 3AM and orders Seamless. But you don’t need to spend the time or energy stocking your cabinets with kitchen-wear and appliances that will just go to waste. Let’s be honest-- our extent of cooking knowledge comes from the ten minutes of Giada we watched on a JetBlue flight when only the Food Network was working. For the betch who’s not exactly a culinary expert, here are the three staples you absolutely need in your kitchen:
On an average weeknight, a betch can be found on her sofa, casually swirling her wine glass while listening to her friend anxiously consider four different ways to send a “hi” text to a guy who hasn’t responded to her all week. That being said, owning a corkscrew is not only necessary in a betches’ life, it’s a rite of passage. We’ve have been drinking wine since we were eight years old at the Passover table. If you couldn’t tell the difference between any Merlot and Cabernet Sauvignon by your Bat Mitzvah, it was embarrassing. Then came college, where we were already pros at slapping the wine bag at frat parties by 21. So, if you don’t own a corkscrew by now, you should probably consider asking for a refund on that pretentious wine tasting course you took in Napa last summer.
One of the only things a betch will make for herself is a smoothie. Whether you’re blending a protein shake after Pilates class or throwing a spontaneous Margarita Monday party, investing in a blender is a must. The best part of owning a blender is that you’re making something for yourself without the complications of recipes or confusing ingredients. You may not know how to turn on your oven, but nothing says adulthood like tossing together some frozen fruit and pressing blend. Chewing is overrated anyway.
Every betch can appreciate the importance of having like, a lot of beverages. If we had enough hands to carry two water bottles, a venti iced coffee, a cocktail, a glass of coconut water, and a green juice, we would. Betches need to stay hydrated, mainly so that we can stay out all night and still look like we got nine hours of beauty sleep. Ignore your earthy friends telling you you’re killing the environment. You can get cases of 24 plastic bottles shipped straight to your door so the only work you have to do is swipe your AmEx. Stock up on water bottles. After all, no betch wants to be thirsty.