November 7, 2013
It’s Thursday which in most cities means people are waking up in a deep panic over what they’re going to TBT today. Will it be that adorably hilarious picture of you at 7 wearing mom’s Chanel sunglasses #startedatanearlyage? Or perhaps that time at Palladium when you had a nip slip and would never want to relive it again except for on Thursdays #sorrynotsorry #actuallymydadmightbesorry. So while you figure your shit out, we’re going to throw it back - not with a picture, but with a movie, a movie that made you want to be a ballerina for about 37 seconds until it hit you that ballerinas don't smoke pot: CENTER STAGE
Center Stage was amazing because it explored love, sex, drama, dancing, and anorexia. It was like the 2000’s version of Black Swan since both involved love triangle with gay ballerinas with eating disorders. Sadly, the only thing missing from CS was ecstasy and murder...I guess you can't have it all.
Besides the fact that it made me want to BE in Cooper Nielson’s dance company even though I hadn’t danced since I was 3, Jody Sawyer said unreal lines like "Cooper, you're an amazing dancer, and you're a great choreographer, but as a boyfriend... you kinda suck.” This movie was the shit. Here’s why:
Zoe Saldana was that spunky token black girl who got to play the White Swan (ironic!!) because she totally “deserved it” according to the anorexic bitch Maureen who finally figured it out at the end:
Maureen’s mom: You don't just throw away your dream.
Maureen: It's your dream... and it means more to you than it ever did to me.
Maureen's lame ass line of the film: You didn't have the feet. I don't have heart.
Maureen also dated that guy who casually looked like Paul Rudd...
Jody Sawyer despite her “bad feet” (vom) was in the middle of a love triangle between a gay guy...
And an even gayer guy...
Cooper clearly had a thing for Jazz Hands:
And when this scene happened the entire audience was like OMG SHOCK!
And you were like Ugh get over it, she’s only in a bra.
But then you were like, do people really have sex like this?
Specifically like this…
But then you quickly got over it because the best fucking scene ever happened and it was THE scene that made you want to audition for an urban version of the nutcracker ASAP (you didn’t know if this actually existed, but you thought it should):
And then this solidified your need to become a hotter version of Julia Stiles in Save the Last Dance and also have your mom take you to Tower Records to buy you Michael Jackson and Mandy Moore's greatest hits:
Or like made you want to paint
the town your bedroom red.