Throwback Thursday: Idols of Our Betchhood

By The Betches

Around the time of butterfly clips and choker necklaces and before her first boyfriend moved to Indiana, a betch likely had a few people she looked up to.

Mary Kate and Ashley

Don't act like you didn't think this was the chicest shit ever.

Those betches just made you want to be them, so much so that you probs bitched your mom out at least once for not giving you a twin sister to go on adventures with. Remember their fucking detective series? They solved every crime by dinner time! Which is ironic since neither of the Olsens have eaten dinner since like 1999.

Seriously though, those betches went on the best fucking vacations, each one involving bros who couldn’t act and some sort of fight/ make up/ save the day plot line. Our Lips are Sealed? So realistic. Holiday in the Sun? Phenomenal acting. Your family vacays could never be that good because your parents, like, paid attention to where you were and wouldn’t let you go off chasing pirates and shit. God, Mom, way to ruin my youth.  

Britney Spears

Somewhere around 1998 Britney became a role model for betches in training everywhere. If you and your besties didn’t spend sleepovers perfecting the moves to Oops I Did It Again, you probably had a shitty childhood.

Sabrina the Teenage Witch

Admittedly, Sabrina was kind of a nice girl, but being able to point your finger and get whatever you fucking want = betchy. Like any good 90s character Sabrina also didn’t have any parents. How annoying for you that your mom and dad were like, around so you couldn’t go on such cool adventures. 

The Spice Girls

Why was Ginger always wearing flags?

A betch obviously wanted to be either Posh or Baby Spice. Any girl who wanted to be Sporty Spice was definitely a lesbo.

Honorable Mention: any girl with more American Girl dolls than you.

Not necessarily an idol, but definitely someone who taught you the value of manipulating your parents. But mom, Danielle has all 5 dolls! It’s embarrassing if I only have Samantha!




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