December 6, 2012
Back when we were just tweeny little betches, in between learning how to sashay on our platform Spice Girls shoes and burning calories on our skip-its, there was one thing that could drag us away from re-editing our AOL profiles. Enter the world of awkward adolescence, heartache, and creepy ass old neighbors that was Boy Meets World. This show was the only way we’d sit in the same room as our parents, let alone like talk to them, unless we were hitting them up for our weekly allowance. We grew up alongside Cory and his pals and learned that it’s totally possible for you and your friends to end up at the same college, and that old people like actually have a purpose besides smelling like moth balls, and that your high school boyfriend might still marry you even if you get fat.
Cory Matthews: It’s hard to determine what was more upsetting, this kid’s androgynous name, or his equally androgynous brillo head. And yet for some reason, we felt for Curly Sue and his puma sneakers. We appreciated that he totally played up the middle child card, and like thank God someone remembered us. Somehow Curls managed to snag the only girl at school whose name was uglier than his, and we watched as Cordeuroy and Topanga became the original “it” couple. Through their devastating break ups and disgusting make ups, we learned that monogamy is actually a thing and that it’s totally normal to
think know we’re better than our sibs.
Shawn: You got curly hair. Big deal. Can we move on now?
Curly: Sure, it’s easy for you to talk. You got hair. I’m a Chia Pet.
Topanga Lawrence Matthews: Pronunciation: Ta-Pang-Uh. Rhymes with: Jenga. I think it’s safe to say betches everywhere gave a collective “WTF?!” when we first heard this one. With her Ms. Frizzle hair, heinous jumpers, and weird curvy hippie thing going on, we have to admire the way Fropanga totally controlled Curly. She was obvi the dude in this relash and even after they broke up, she still got Cornelius to hold out for her on the monkey bars, where he was presumably waiting to Gobanga.
Cory: I accidentally kissed Missy Robinson.
Topanga: How do you accidentally kiss someone? Did she slip on a rug, and your lips broke her fall?
Shawn Hunter: Everyone’s favorite third wheel, Shawn was the only mildly attractive member of this cast, until we were introduced to his older half Lawrence brother. He constantly hit up the Matthews family, who welcomed him only because they clearly pitied the really poor kid that was their son’s only friend. He was our first foray into the acceptable bad boy crush thanks to his leather jacket, nasty trailer park home and dead beat dad. Shawn HuntsforaHome dated Ange, who we don’t really give a shit about, and managed to surprise everyone by going to college and not ending up as a school janitor. Plus, he had major attitude, which made us totally dig his teen angst vibe even more. I mean, even his name oozes sex. Rider Strong? Yes, please.
Shawn: Cory, there are co-ed bathrooms. Girls shower in there, NAKED!
Eric Matthews: Curly’s older sibling, aka the loser that was friendless and had to bum around with his younger bro. This kid was the resident moron of the show and we totally found his flowy locks and low-grade potential endearing. Aside from keeping us interested with the ginger giant he was crushing on in college, betches appreciated Eric for his only contribution to the show, the classic “Fe-He-He-Heeenayyy!”
Eric: It was one of those nights. You know the kind. Like day, but darker.
Angela Moore: Shawn’s only squeeze on this show, and Topanga’s BFF, Ange brought girl attitude we had never seen before Y2K. Her whole demeanor screamed “DON’T FUCK WITH ME” and we won’t. She scared us a little.
Mr. Turner: One of the first fuckable teachers to ever grace the TV, he gave us a reason to endure school. Motorcycles weren’t the only thing of his betches wanted to ride, and we totally overlooked the fact that it was so fucking creepy that he let a homeless hot sixeen year old boy live with him only because he was so "chill."
Minkus: Lol. Did somebody say One Tree Hill? No, okay.
Mr. Feeny: We loved this old guy, the pseudo grandpa everyone wants, Feeny was not only wise and cute in an old mustachy way, but he was also always there watering his plants when you needed a quick chat or reality check. He was old as fuck and we were worried that our fave grampy bit the big one, but apparently he is still alive and kicking, gracing the screen on Grey's Anatomy. Though he just died on Grey's, so that like sucks. Hopefully art doesn’t imitate life.
Eric: I have a question that I’m going to need a yes or no answer to. How many people get into Yale each year?
There are obviously a bunch of other characters we could mention (the hot dad, annoying sister) but like what’s the point? These were the core people who taught us that being average is so totally overrated and that poor kids are people too. And if you’re missing Cory and friends you can check out the upcoming spinoff series featuring Cory, Topanga and their daughter Riley in “Girl Meets World.” Sure, we'll watch it, but we'd definitely be a lot happier if the show were Betch Meets World.
Despite its corniness and a laugh track that makes you want to projectile vomit, this clip killed us when we were 10.