Tilapia: The Fish of the People

By Betchy Crocker

Tilapia, if you don't fucking know, is a mild-tasting white fish that's super cheap and, thus, probs feeds povo people who have access to it. Incidentally, the Egyptians ate Nile tilapia back in the day and even had a super adorbs hieroglyph for it that was essentially the primitive version of the cartoon from the Goldfish Snack Cracker box.

There are even people who are convinced that it was tilapia that Jesus did that whole multiplication thing on, feeding all the hungry betches who got dragged to his sermon that day. None of this applies to you but knowing how to cook this sea creature is super easy. Plus, it's high in protein, low in fat and low in calories. If you're adhering to the Nordic or Mediterranean diet, this shit is for you.


  • 1 tbsp olive oil
  • Kosher salt
  • Fresh cracker black pepper
  • 2 6-oz tilapia fillets (if you can't get fresh, most freezer sections have pre-cut portions)
  • 1/2 cup dry white wine
  • 1 1/2 tbsp capers
  • 2 tbsp fresh chopped fresh parsley

Season the tilapia with a pinch or two of salt and a few twists of fresh cracked black pepper. In a large nonstick skillet, heat 1 1/2 tbsps of butter until melted. Cook the tilapia until the flesh is opaque (like, not see-through) and it flakes easily with a fork. This should take about 2-3 minutes per side. Transfer to a plate and keep warm.

Add the wine to the skillet (after you have at least one glass LOL COOKING DRINKING GAME) and cook over medium-high heat until reduced by half - so like 2 to 3 minutes. Remove from the heat and whisk in the remaining 3 tbsps of butter plus the capers and parsley. Spoon over the tilapia. Serve with like, salad or something that isn't carbs.




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