April 30, 2013
Let's break this shit down:
To those sick fucks that had more important things to do than show up to our events this weekend:
Last I heard having more important things to do than show up to a sorority mixer does not a sick fuck make. Unless the activities they were doing instead was like skinning dogs or molesting children, I think this might be a little over the top.
You assholes who thought you got off the hook by not showing up will write a 500 word letter on proper stationary, IN CURSIVE, sealed with a wax stamp explaining your absence this weekend.
I kind of like this one. It's very Game of Thrones style. Does the hot wax seal have to be the sorority seal or can be the imprint of House Stark? What is 'proper' stationary? Is Hello Kitty a no-go?
You will carry this letter at all times and present it to us at our next event IN PRISTINE CONDITION. We do not want to see spills, creases, or your dirty fucking fingerprints all over it.
You girls should think of this letter as a wartime dog tag necklace, engraved with the names of the soldiers you killed. Carry it with you forever as a symbol of how you failed as a human being. And don't forget to use fucking silk gloves NO ONE WANTS YOUR DISGUSTING FINGERPRINTS ON THEIR PRISTINE LETTER DETAILING YOUR UNFORGIVABLE OFFENSE.
You will keep these interviews in your moleskin, with your pledge pack and YOUR PLEDGE PIN at all times.
What is a moleskin? Did the girls have to skin it as part of an additional pledging event? A google search of moleskin yields this:
So I'm assuming the girls have to carry around either Dr. Scholl's foot bandages, flannel lined blazers, or journals. I guess in this case if it's the latter it will definitely actually be a very sad, handwritten book.