February 14, 2013
In the spirit of celebrating the color red and all things ridiculous, we thought it only appropriate that Valentine's Day be the day we list our top 10 favorite celebrity gingers. When you look at yourself in the mirror and nit pick all the things that you wish you could improve such as your posture or the thickness of your eyebrows just remember to always thank God and your non-Celtic parents that your head cannot be mistaken for a bonfire. But to all of you betches who are gingers, we're sorry, but it's your other qualities that we like about you, and not your crimson coif. So today when you're not busy stalking the losers who take Valentine's Day more seriously than preserving their American Girl Doll collection, take a second to talk shit about the red headed bitch Abby from Scandal, and a minute to appreciate the good gingers there are in this world.
Although he’s our favorite Jewish ginger, Kyle probably wouldn’t actually be too fun to hang out with. I mean he’s always talking about what he learned from the day and the importance of morality and blah blah blah. But even still, he’s a lonely Jew on Christmas and Cartman is always plotting to fuck him over so the least we could do was put him on this list
Yes this Bin Laden killer does give off a nicegirl vibe, but she’s gorgeous, super skinny and on track to win an Oscar next month. So yeah she can sit with us. Plus, she's like a serious actress who you can respect and shit. No, we're not talking about Bryce Dallas Howard.
This list wouldn’t be complete without the ginger with whom Joe Biden recently accredited society’s growing acceptance of gays-- of course all of our GBFFs would disagree and credit themselves but whatever. Even though Deb’s character is beyond annoying on Smash (if you’re one of the 12 people who watches then you know), but on W&G she was an inspirational fag hag for us all, and to this day I cannot turn off a rerun. And yes Reuben, she is for scu-bah.
Sure she revolutionized women in comedy as well as the role of females in the media but more importantly, off screen Lucy was insanely high maintenance and chain smoked like a chimney. It’s such a shame that she died pretty young but I guess it’s true that God takes the good ones early. So basically we’ll be stuck with Anne Hathaway until she’s 150.
Here’s a redheaded betch who is seriously underrated. So yeah she has (fittingly) played a lesbian more times than I can count and for some reason can’t find a role where she doesn’t have to speak with a bat shit crazy accent or show her really gross nipples, but Julianne is like lowkey badass. For starters, she was in The Big Lebowski, a fucking classic for stoners and non stoners alike. And holy fuck if you haven’t seen Game Change do so immediately because she portrays Sarah Palin infinitely better than Sarah Palin ever did.
He’s not betchy, no, but if there was one gingy in the world who we’d ever consider marrying it’s Conan. He’s basically branded his own ginger empire, using one name no less. The only other people who can do that are Madonna or like Jesus. Oh and he’s also ridiculously rich which is obviously a highly redeemable quality in any redhead. Go fuck yourself, Leno.
Drew is a polarizing ginger as some think she’s betchy while others find her to be extremely annoying. However she was in E.T. so her presence on this list is necessary. Also she went to rehab when she was like 9. Talk about a betch in training idol, I mean even Suri Cruise would have cut a line with that girl.
So she’s not exactly thinspiration, but like 9 out of 10 bros would agree this secretary would be well worth traveling back to the 60s for. Also on Mad Men, guys get to treat her like a piece of meat which I’m assuming adds to the appeal.
Because she's typecasted as a hot psycho, Isla Fisher is pretty great in everything she's in. Wedding Crashers, Confessions of a Shopaholic, Enchanted- oh no wait that was Amy Adams, the cokehead in Bachelorette, etc. She is also married to Borat which...I mean I guess that’s cool. Verrr naice!
During her Mean Girls days, before she started looking like a 60 year old meth head, Linzlo was a seriously stunning redhead. She was skinny with huge boobs, had blended in freckles and the kind of flowing red locks that didn’t make you want to vom. Of course destiny (and coke) took their course and Linzlo lost her gorgeous looks along with most of her sanity. In fact, pretty sure these days she’s running around with a blonde weave that would be more suitable for Donatella Versace. Oh well, she’s still a firecrotch in our hearts…and we’re sure Paris Hilton would agree.