May 8, 2013
Hollywood is notorious for making nice guys into pros. However, these bros have all taken it a little too far. When they're not cheating on their girlfriends and wives, they're saying douchey shit and generally treating women like shit. If you ever encounter these SABs you should avoid them at all costs as apparently there is such a thing as TOO big of an asshole.
Honestly, for someone that openly dates multiple women at one time, Hugh Hefner is not THAT big of an asshole. At the very least, all these girls are fully aware that they're not the only ones dating him. The main reason Hugh is on this list is because he will definitely dump you once you hit menopause (or more likely, 28) and because he invented Playboy, which speaks for itself.
Douchiest Quote: "The interesting thing is how one guy, through living out his own fantasies, is living out the fantasies of so many other people"
Let's just say you don't get kicked off a plane for playing Words with Friends if you're an especially nice guy. See also, papparazzi beat up scandal and mean voicemails.
Douchiest Quote: "Tina [Fey] is smart, funny, beautiful... Devoted, tough, respected... Now if she'd only work on her posture."
The quotes say it all. That, and the blonde beard.
"I have never been so madly in love as I am with Heidi. She has the world's greatest boyfriend!"
"So do you know when the maid's coming because it's getting a little messy?"
"Please leave. Please leave. I'm not even listening. I'm not even listening LALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALA Go away I will be gone by the new day."
"I cannot wait to leave and get out of your life cuz the fact that you even talk to LC makes me wanna have nothing to do with your life cuz it just makes me think how pathetic you really are. So whats up? I'll move out. Shoo."
Leave Demi alone! Ashton had us thinking he was a nice guy all throughout our teenage years when he decided it was cool to fuck someone our mom's age. But turns out, deep down he's a huge prick. I mean should we be that surprised? This is the guy who INVENTED Punk'd.
Douchiest Quote: "Modeling is the best because you have to look hot, which comes easy to me, you know. I'm blessed with that."
When he isn't writing narcissistic poems about his bday for Huff Po, he's celebrating himself with a dildo cake. James has been called out for sleeping in NYU lectures and is so douchey that we're pretty sure he's pursuing 4 different graduate degrees at like three universities. We think he teaches shit too?
Douchiest Quotes: "I'm a big cardigan sweater guy."
He cheated on his wife with 9 women and just last night got so fucked up at a party that he couldn’t even make it up the stairs to his own apartment. I guess even after your wife beats the crap out of your car with a golf club you can still continue to be huge douchebag.
His entire interview with Howard Stern is pretty much enough said. But fuck with Jennifer Aniston's reputation and you fuck with us. Go back to looking like a crack baby, JM.
Douchiest Quote: "I've been trying to prove to people I'm not a douche bag by not dating, by keeping my name out of Us Weekly. That's f--ked up, man. I'm not dating. I'm not even f--king. So now I'm going to experiment with 'f--k you.' In 2010 my goal is to get more mentions in Us Weekly than ever."
In addition to dating the douchiest woman of all time, Kanye's douchiest moment of all time will go down in history when it comes to award shows.
Douchiest Quote: "Yo Taylor, I’m really happy for you…I’ll let you finish. But Beyonce had one of the best videos of all time! One of the best videos of all time!"
This douchebag left Brandi Glanville for Leann Rimes but not before fucking everything he could. In addition to being the least famous guy on our list, he also had sex with that random waitress from Vanderpump Rules and made her delusionally think he was in love with her. The things untalented people do for fame.
"You cannot imagine how great it is to step out on the stage with thousands of screaming fans loving you."
"I crave attention and adventure."
Chris takes the cake when it comes to douchebags. Not only does he beat the shit out of every man, woman, and probably child that comes his way but he's unapologetic and a serious man whore. We're waiting for the day that someone beats the crap out of him so this asshole can learn that domestic violence isn't chill. Also, as per his quotes below, he's also full of shit.
"My mother taught me to treat a lady respectfully."
"When I was 12, all I wanted for Christmas was a trampoline or a four-wheeler. I ended up getting both presents for Christmas."
"With dates I like to cater a girl. We do whatever she likes. If she was open to what I wanted to do, it probably wouldn't be a dull date, because I am a jock."