August 8, 2012
The gay BFF is the ultimate addition to the bestie group. You get your biggest fan, your psychologist, and a friend who will never look better than you in a mini skirt. Here are the top 10 inspirational gay bffs of tv and movie history
10. Cam Tucker: Cam is GBFF to Gloria, like a true betch he doesn't #36 work but he spends all day dressing up his TAB daughter in princess outfits and thinking of clever ways to chill his #62 pro huband out.
Cameron: I can't pressure Mitchell. But I really, really, really just want him to get a job so I can go back to being a stay-at-home dad/trophy wife.
Cameron [about him and Gloria]: On paper we should be good friends, one spicy curvy diva.
Mitchell: And Gloria.
9. Spongebob Squarepants: between the fruity necktie, his sparkling loafers and the obvious fact that he’s wearing mascara, it’s clear that this kitchen sink staple is gayer than the day is long. His betch bestie is of course Sandy Cheeks, with whom he tans at Goo Lagoon and gets in his kick-box cardio. Sponge is a great GBFF other than his neglect to help upgrade his bestie’s wardrobe, like I don’t care if you’re a squirrel, synthetic leather is never on trend.
8. Anthony Marantino: unlike the balding old queen who follows Carrie around, Charlotte’s homo counterpart is a gay we would actually trust to help us choose our wedding dress. Anthony doesn’t waste time coddling uglies or acknowledging their feelings. With just the wince of an eye he will do the work of verbally abusing the salesgirl who dared mention the word “sateen” and he wouldn’t be afraid to say STFU when we’ve been rambling on about our ovaries for 15 blocks. Even though he ends up settling down with what we assume is a flaccid, wealthy penis, we’d still want him to be our GBFF. I mean no one could better combine trend and tradition for Jewish weddings. The theme is Yentil Chic!
7. Eric Van Der Woodsen: GBFF to poor Jenny Humphrey, you can tell EVW was peeved the whole time that he had to hang out with a poor girl. Thankfully they became step siblings and he now had a real reason to associate with her. Erik's role on Revenge just teaches us how shitty things get when he can't play the role he was born for: Park Avenue Prince with a knack for scandal and a philanthropic need to help girls with shitty dye jobs.
6. Oscar Martinez: Oscar is both the arch-nemesis of Angela nicegirl Martin and GBFF to the entire Office. Michael tried to kiss him, everyone asks his advice, and he is an esteemed member of the exclusive Finer Things Club. No one makes accounting in Scranton, PA look hot and easy like Oscar.
Pam: You're in the gay mafia.
Oscar: You're thinking of another group. Much wealthier, much older. You sound ignorant.
Oscar: Angela's engaged to a gay man. As a gay man, I'm horrified. As a friend of Angela's, horrified. As a lover of elegant weddings, I'm a little excited.
5. Christian Stovitz: He is the disco dancing, Oscar Wilde reading, Streisand ticket holding bestie of Cher Horowitz. The elusive Christian Stovitz may have only showed up halfway through Clueless, but we would definitely want to go smoke a joint with him in his banana yellow old school convertible and discuss how our arch-nemesis’s face looks like an impressionist painting. Christian embodied vintage fashion before hipster’s claimed it as a statement of poverty. He is so betchy that he is both from Chicago and LA, saved Ty’s life in an almost manly manner and taught us all the importance of Mel’s piece. Oh and he has great taste in Billie Holiday tunes. We love him too.
4. Damian: apparently he who is too gay to function is based on one of Tina Fey’s first real life GBFFs and we can see why she’d want to be his betch bestie. Dami is always at his friends’ disposal to listen to them shit talk the plastics and tell them how fierce they are. Not to mention he can rock a purple pants suit even better than Ellen. He is beautiful no matter what they say and for the love of God give him back his FUCKING PINK SHIRT!!!
3. Stefon: He’d always get you into New York’s hottest clubs and you know he has access to the city’s best molly. Stef is the ideal gay bestie for the hard partying betch, not to mention he’s casually David Bowie’s son. Talk about being born with a bedazzled spoon in your mouth. Now let’s go party with some Pachewkos. You know that thing when you duct tape a midget to a traffic cone and then tie it to a kite and fly it in central park while roller skating on acid…
2. Lafayette Reynolds: Lafayette is just about the only thing still entertaining on True Blood. Sure he's GBFF to both his annoying cousin Tara and Sookie but he also doesn't give a shit about them and at the end of the day it's all about number 1. And hey he may dress like a freak but he's probably still prettier than you. Some of his betchier quotes include:
Lafayette: Hooka I ain't in the helpin' business no more. I'm in the fuck off while I smoke a blunt business and business is about to pick way the fuck up
Lafayette: All right, all right. I is on my way. But you might got ta find your own ride home. Just in case I get lucky.
Tara: Whatchu mean if you get lucky? Your standards are so low you always get lucky
1. Will Truman: Will is the quintessential GBFF for so many reasons. He’s loyal, hilarious, and just mean enough that we know he’d never let us leave the house looking anything but amazing. Like any good hag, Grace is fully in love with him but that’s fine because she fills the whole left in his heart by his mother. Will is clearly in love with her too, there’s just a conflict of interest due to his disgust with her vagina. As destiny would have it W & G will be together forever and it’s even better than them being married to one another because Grace gets to end up with Harry Connick Jr. while Will settles down with the gayest member of the Soprano family. **This award also goes to Jack McFarland. I mean what is there to say about the gay who opened the chicest café of any 6th floor in midtown? The homo who’s quicker to compliment your slingbacks than he can point out Will’s neckfat and hair loss? I mean he originated the McFarland method! He’s just Jack and he is just fucking fabulous.
Honorable Mention - Teddy Montgomery: The professional tennis playing son of a fictional famous actor, this Aryan stud was the ultimate player of the 90210 Lucky Sperm Club. When he started secretly dating a theatre hottie, this alpha-gay dreamboat sailed into our hearts as the best looking fictional GBFF to ever exist. Every betch knows that her outfit is only as good as her gay arm candy, and this guy gives us a fucking toothache. Upon his exit from what we are sure was the preppiest closet in the world, the level of his advice for his former hookups turned betch besties increased in depth exponentially and solidified him as our Beverly Hills gay boy for life.
Most Honorable Mention - Lloyd Lee: see below.