May 30, 2013
Generally speaking, betches fucking hate fat people. They're sweaty, messy, and reek of non-organic food and bad genes. But for the following cast of characters we'll make an exceptions. This list might as well be called the top ten people we'd allow to join our bestie group as fat funny friends.
I mean, we already devoted an entire post to her funniest moments which was the hardest thing we've done in 2013 considering every moment of her existence is fucking hysterical. Being fat is her thing and while this is usually more disgusting to us than a Kalteen bar, we hope Rebel stays rebellious against our skinny standards and never loses a pound.
When he wasn't fat, he wasn't funny.
He wants his cheesy poofs! Respect his authoritah.
She's so lucky she doesn't bloat, like physically, it's a gift. Otherwise she wouldn't be able to handle all those big bear sandwiches.
Lena has no shame when it comes to shoveling handfuls of pasta and cake into her mouth on or off camera, but mostly on. And in case Girls ever gets cancelled we have a feeling she could have a sweet future in competitive eating.
My Indian idol. She's not really that fat, but I get the feeling she kind of wishes she were fatter/thinks she's fatter than she is. But either way she's funny as fuck and therefore would probably have more fun eating by herself while everyone's hanging out without her.
If he gets to be president I swear I'll start #2 keeping up with the news just to hear the fat jokes. I just really hope his lap band surgery doesn't work out. Where will we put the monument for his excess skin!?
Adele isn't so much funny as much as she is bad ass and before she had a baby and went all private, she would say and eat whatever she wanted. While she laughed the haters all the way to her Grammy shelf.
He's like the other half of Jonah Hill, in that when both these bros get skinny they are only half as funny, together equaling one funny person. In the words of Steve Jobs, 'stay hungry, stay funny.'
Luckily this one still has a chance to thin out in adolescence. But in the meantime, the funniness level of everything she says is directly proportional to her number of fat rolls.