April 25, 2013
"So like, why haven't you liked my pic?"
"Um I took like an amazing picture of a tree"
"Omg how DARE I miss that one"
It's one thing to instagram a picture of the most beautiful spicy tuna roll that's ever been placed in front of you but it's entirely another to supplement it with 50+ irrelevant and/or futile hashtags. #sushi #tuna #spicy #roll #rolls #yum #instayum #instagood. More like #instaimafuckingidiot.
There is absolutely no reason anyone should check in on Facebook. Facebook is for posting pictures later, writing not so funny inside jokes on your friends' walls, and sharing articles that shows people just how bored you are at work. No one gives a shit if you're at the Darby with your three besties. Insta a pic, geotag it, then share on FB like a real human person.
"Can you please support my career and like my page!" is something this person would ask you. And to be polite you say yes and then all of your Facebook friends get an update on their news feed that Allie now likes AnalTech.
Everyone knows this girl. She's posted a picture of herself with a slightly different combination of filter and shade of lipstick at her computer, in her car, or on the toilet and thinks it's art. My look for the day! So by process of deduction, we're only left to assume that on days you don't post a selfie you look like absolute shit.
We've been very clear on how we feel about this in our Strongly Worded Letter to Parents on Facebook.
Do you follow anyone on instagram who will put up like 5 subsequent subpar pictures from the weekend with no caption no geotag and worst of all no effect? Then the pictures sit there with no likes? It's like a really fucking loud instacricket. Well, it's time you take it upon yourself to have an instavention and tell this girl that if she doesn't improve her instaskills she will be unfollowed. Insta'scuseme.
For the love of God, we know you have a dog, we know it's cute, we already know what it looks like relaxing on your bed or drinking from your can of Diet Coke but we definitely don't need to know what THAT looks like from all angles and weather conditions. We just don't.
This has grown increasingly annoying in the last few years. With the election and recent tragedies there's is nothing that angers us more than conducting political debates via Facebook statuses. Free speech, shmee speech, if you're a person who knows what they're taking about you don't need to be reaffirmed of this from of the idiots on your Facebook feed. No one knows how big an idiot you are until you show them via Facebook. Need a healthy debate? Call your AP Gov teacher from high school. He's probs bored.
This person will make sure that all of her followers on all social media platforms know where s/he is at all times. Whether it's foursquare, instagram, Facebook, twitter, snap chat, or instagrammig a picture of her snap chat, she will make sure that you will be notified of her every move. So…. this girl needs to calm the fuck down, or go back to the flip phone.