June 12, 2013
We've already discussed the short bro in our post on Betches and Height and the role of Tiny Douchebag Syndrome (TDS) in our decisions to fuck or #8 not fuck bros of a certain wee height. Basically if you're of a small height you better be a sufficiently large asshole to keep us entertained. With that, here are our favorite bros with TDS who are all under 5'9''.
Call him elf ONE MORE TIME....He's an angry elf!
For the record, we don't like Tom Cruise whatsoever and think he's probably gay. But clearly this bro had something if he was able to win over the gigantic Katie Holmes, even if it was just a really good lawyer with a contract dictating the terms of their marriage. Anyway, betch-in-training Suri Cruise will always have his last name, so he'll always be relevant unfortunately.
Never mind that when he first came on the scene he was nearly as wide as he is tall, Jonah Hill was and still remains funny enough to make up for his shitty stature.
At 5'6'', his little Jewboy is barely tall enough to go on Space Mountain.
There's something to be said about a short guy who managed to play the quintessential male model. Personally, he's barely tall enough to meet my parents.
We've heard rumors that this little one wears lifts in his shoes. Talk about a Napoleon complex, he practically has all of E! network under his control yet still refuses to embrace his true height. And that's why Ryan Seacrest is the epitome of the back burner bro.
Lucky for Weezy, his highness on drugs makes up for his lack of physical height.
When he wasn't yelling at Lloyd (the only person shorter than he was) for stupid shit like breathing within 10 feet of him, Ari Gold was making his name as the sexy asshole agent who didn't have to be tall to make sure everyone knew not to fuck with him.
Marky Mark is the hottest bro on this list by a mile. However, height is far from his biggest problem considering he's from Boston.
We love his work.