Bikini season is coming. And while going sober is believed to be one of the best ways possible to lose three pounds, giving up alcohol isn’t really an option for us, for obvious reasons. In order to maintain both your bikini body and your drinking habits, you're going to need to pick the lowest calorie drink possible and, subsequently, pair it with some delicious AND low-cal treats to avoid the alcohol-fueled pizza fest that often accompanies a night out at the bar. That brings us to vodka. Occupying its own space on the betch pyramid of much beloved foods (alongside avocado toast, hummus, and grapefruit), vodka is one of the lowest calorie liquors you can
chug drink, and it pairs well with seltzer, so you don't get (as) fat. So, naturally, we paired our beloved liquor, vodka, with the best snacks to keep you fit until summer. TLDR; anything smoked, pickled, or otherwise “preserved” works super well.
Vodka is Russian AF, as is caviar, so this is a natural pairing. Caviar is also super chic, low in calories, and can be served plain (no work for you) or on a tiny and adorable piece of toast. Serve up your vodka super chilled with a little bowl of caviar and toasts, and you’ll be the richest-looking bitch around. As for advice on how to earn enough money to afford caviar, when you figure it out, please let us know.
I mean, if you have pickles skewered in your Bloody Mary, are you that surprised that they go well with an ice cold shot of vodka? The sour and salty notes pair well with super smooth Polish or Russian vodka—just make sure they’re super cold, like your heart, or else you’ll get a strange aftertaste. And nobody likes that shit. If you DO decide to pair vodka with pickles, however, be aware that there is a 100% chance you will feel like Snooki.
Praise Adonai, smoked salmon makes the list. Is there a betchier hors d'oeuvre than smoked and thinly sliced smoked salmon—king of fish—served with a bit of sour cream and capers? Um, no. If you’re one of the Chosen people (or if you live in NYC) you’ve been eating lox on your bagels with shmear every morning for years. What a fabulous surprise to know that a shot of vodka would be a perfect pairing with your breakfast of champions.
As we’ve learned from Queen Anna Wintour, steak is betchy AND not horrible for you (hello—no carbs and ALL the protein). Lucky for us, it also pairs perfectly with ice cold vodka. So grab an 8 oz., sear it, and serve rare for a dinner, lunch, or snack all of your man friends will be proud of.
Lucky for you, some cheeses do pair well with vodka. But beware, betch—cheeses are NOT bikini bod friendly. So, nibble your cheese and take your shot for an afternoon snack, but don’t fucking overdo it.