True Detective Season Two Fucking Sucks | Betches

True Detective Season Two Fucking Sucks

By LaBetch James

I admit it. I tried to love this show. Really tried.


Because I was late to the party with season one, and it was so #trendy and #cool that I wanted to be prepared the second time around. I wanted to be sucked into this amazing show of beautiful actors and be one of the betches who can tweet out super interesting thought-providers like: "Is Tim Riggins actually gay?"

But season two of True Detective fucking sucks.

The show has the betchiest of casts. Rachel McAdams? Hello, girl crush.

Tim Riggins, I don't care to ever learn his real name because Texas Forever.

Colin Farrell is like that Irish lover you meet while #3 studying abroad that you never knew you wanted/needed.

And Vince Vaughn. Rule #76: no excuses, play like a champion.

The betches were ALL ASSEMBLED. This could have been great. But instead, season two has turned into this awful game of "here's something relatively interesting and criminal, and now look! The cops just happen to find a piece of evidence that fits exactly with that situation, but over 50 miles away and in completely unrelated circumstances!"

Instead of being drawn into this super intellectual show that is somehow relatable to the common folk, I find myself googling something each week, like "who the fuck is Stan on True Detective?" and "why is Vince Vaughn hugging his orphaned son?"

And what's with the hating on women, HBO? I mean, of course Rachel McAdams' character is a bad ass betch. But then you insinuate she was raped and molested, and is only a lady-boss because of her horrible backstory.

It's the 21st century. Have you ever even seen The Notebook? Rachel McAdams is a bad betch without your unwarranted sexual violence.

And this show is missing a crucial element: sex. Not the bad, rape kind. But the kind where Rachel McAdams and Colin Farrell finally get it on after six episodes of sizzling tension.

But no. There are just two episodes left in this season, and I can't even care enough to remember the characters' names. Do more, True Detective. Do more. 




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LET IT OUT, HONEY

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