All The Sh*t Trump Has Done In His First Week & How It Affects Your Life | Betches

All The Sh*t Trump Has Done In His First Week & How It Affects Your Life

By 50 Shades Of Betch

Congrats fam, we officially made it through week one in Trump’s America. Barely. There’s been a lot going on this week, most of it horrifying and awful. Let’s outline the most important things, because there’s a lot to keep track of. For more news delivered straight to your inbox three times a week, sign up for The 'Sup.


MEXICO

Guacamole

President Trump has wasted no time getting to work on the Mexico border wall, one of his most consistent campaign promises. He’s still adamant about Mexico paying for the wall, even though the Mexican president is like "fuck no" and even canceled a meeting with Trump.

On Thursday, the White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer (he’s a mess and a half) said that the President was considering a 20% tax on imports to pay for the wall. This received immediate backlash from literally everyone (Republicans included), because it would likely raise prices for American consumers and would also be a violation of NAFTA. Not so good. So now they’re not so sure about the tax, but this all boils down to the same point: MEXICO ISN’T PAYING FOR THAT FUCKING WALL. Also, do not fucking come for my tequila and guacamole.

MUSLIMS

This Is Bad

During his campaign, Trump talked endlessly about a “Muslim ban” that is probably not actually constitutional at all. Last week, he announced plans to block immigration from seven countries with majority Muslim populations. But don’t worry, it’s not a total Muslim ban. Of course, Trump was careful to exclude the countries he has personal business ties with. This includes Saudi Arabia, even though the majority of the 9/11 terrorists were Saudi. Sounds fair.

Of course, Syria is one of the countries on the list, because God forbid we help some refugees. Trump still says he’ll “absolutely do safe zones in Syria,” but he hasn’t made it a priority to talk about how that might actually happen (hint: it won’t). Protests erupted at JFK and other major airports around the country this weekend when we learned this ban was already being put into effect (that was fast) and those with valid documentation, including green-card holders, were being detained. Trump’s bullshit executive order received another blow Saturday night when a judge in New York granted an emergency stay, temporarily halting the deportation of those being detained. Also, the ACLU is suing him. Sorry Donald, I guess the president can’t just do whatever the fuck he wants. Maybe you should have like...looked that up before taking the job?

VOTER FRAUD

Vote

While Trump has spent his first week in office dealing with some major issues, he’s also spent a disturbing amount of time on one of our least pressing issues: popularity and voter fraud. Of course, there’s the clear lie that his inauguration was the most watched ever, but we’re not here to talk about Kellyanne "Lying Ass" Conway and alternative facts.

Trump’s new favorite thing to talk about is voter fraud. He maintains that there were millions of illegal votes cast in the election last November, even though there is literally zero evidence to support this, and HE WON THE FUCKING ELECTION. Basically, his ego can’t handle the fact that he lost the popular vote, so all those extra Hillary votes must have been cast by dead people and illegal immigrants. He’s now promised a “major investigation” into voter fraud, so that should be fun and not at all a waste of time and taxpayer money.

One of his favorite things to bring up is that people are registered to vote in more than one state, which is actually perfectly legal, provided you don’t vote twice. He should really try talking to his daughter Tiffany, who herself is registered in two states. But let’s be real, Tiffany probably doesn’t even have his real phone number.

ABORTION

Women's Rights

We hope you all got IUDs before the inauguration, because the next four years are basically going to be a war on your reproductive system. Early last week, Trump reinstated something first done by Ronald Reagan called the Global Gag Order. It’s about as fun as it sounds. Basically, if any organization uses any money to perform or even provide information about abortions, they won’t get any funding from the United States government. This has been standard practice for every Republican president, but Trump has broadened the focus to include any government assistance, not just from the State Department.

This executive order could have a major impact around the world on women’s ability to access safe healthcare and reproductive care. It’s not just about abortions—these organizations will lose funding altogether. To add insult to injury, Trump signed the order surrounded by a half-dozen white men and (you guessed it) zero women. Buckle up ladies, shit’s gonna get rough.

SCIENCE

Bill Nye The Science Guy

It’s looking more and more like this presidency will also wage a war on science and knowledge. This is tremendously disturbing, and it doesn’t seem like it’s getting better. Government Twitter accounts for the Department of Agriculture and the National Parks Service have been ordered to stop tweeting factual information about things like climate change, and some Twitter accounts have been completely shut down.

In one of the better things to happen this week, real MVPs the National Parks, NASA, and more than a dozen agencies have started rogue Twitter accounts, determined to spread truth. Keep fucking shit up, we need people like you.

Last week, Trump also ordered the Environmental Protection Agency to stop giving grants, because like, why protect the environment anyway? What’s the point? It's not like we all live here, on this planet. The freeze was lifted later in the week, but the fact that it happened in the first place could be a troubling sign of things to come.

THINGS TO COME

Screwed

We’re just getting started. The Affordable Care Act will be repealed any day now, so go to the doctor while you still can, and who the hell knows what will happen with that border wall? All fun things. Stay strong Betches, we’ll get through this. Maybe. Honestly we're not even sure anymore.

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