Raise your hand if you’ve been personally victimized by basic betches and their obsession with fantasy creatures, especially fucking mermaids and unicorns. **Insert me and every normal person raising their goddamn hands** I mean, seriously what are you? An 8-year-old girl with a Limited Too and Lisa Frank obsession. Sorry for the rant… I suffer from rage blackouts. But from unicorn pasta to mermaid blankets, crowns and toast, enough is e-fucking-nough. But because the limit of extraness does not exist, we have something else to add to the list: Unicorn Tears gin. Because even psychopaths are basic these days.
At first, I was just rolled my eyes at the stupid af name. But then I did some more digging and found that they’re legit selling this shit as if it’s actually the tears of a make-believe horned horse. The company who created this shit described it as “a mythical spirit” and said that it’s made from “humanely raised unicorns.” And no I’m not fucking kidding. That’s legit what the official description says, which isn’t all that surprising, because as someone in marketing I can tell you the industry is filled with extras.
And in case that wasn’t enough, this shit glitters. Alcohol that sparkles. Like you’re a fucking freshman using your fake to pick up Goldschlager at the liquor store since you saw it in Superbad. Since when is a plain vodka soda not good enough? Despite doing the literal most, is that safe for your health? Isn’t glitter like, metal or plastic or something? Whatever. Not drinking it anyway so not my problem. But if you do, just know that in addition to being labeled the most basic of the basics, you might legit die. Don’t tell us we didn’t warn you.
