UVA Bro Lands Himself in North Korean Jail

By Jane Duh

Where do you like to spend your winter vacay? Cabo? Ibiza? Tijuana? What about North Korea? Yeah, not so much. But for one UVA bro from Cincinnati, North Korea seemed like an ideal location for a winter getaway.

21-year-old Otto Frederick Warmbier (what is this name?) has officially had the worst winter break ever after being detained on January 2nd in Pyongyang airport after a five day drip with the China based tour group, Young Pioneer Tours.

North Korea is claiming that Warmbier wanted to "destroy the country's unity" which is exactly what I said when that one hot UVA transfer almost tore apart my sorority.

North Korea has provided no further information, and the US State Department also won't release any details due to "privacy concerns" so at this point Otto has been stuck in North Korean prison for the past 27 days and will stay there until further notice.

In order to get him back, much like two betches who are beefing, the US can't talk to North Korea directly. We have to go through The Swedish Embassy. So basically first Sweden has to tell North Korea we're pissed bc they stole Otto from us and he is fully our citizen and North Korea knew that. Then North Korea tells Sweden to tell us to get the fuck over it because he was the one who came to them and so on and so forth until (hopefully) Otto is safely returned to his family in Cincinnati and his dorm in Charlottesville.

And that, my friends, is why I winter in Aspen.





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