July 14, 2014
When you’re a betch, every day is a vacation, including when you’re like actually on vacation. Between drinking, tanning, raging, and not doing anything, vacation is literally the dream and was clearly created by betches, for betches. Only problem is, when you’re wasted, dehydrated, and far away from people you hate, it’s easy to make a faux pas, or five. TG you have us to get you through it.
Somewhere on the journey from spray tan to real tan, you got a little too stingy with the tanning oil and ended up a tomato. Nothing you can do now except alternate between slathering sunscreen and aloe every 5 seconds and next time don’t actively try to get melanoma. In a few days you’ll have a great tan anyway, so, shrug life.
I want to say that you’re a serious badass and we should come out with us next time, except for the fact that no one looks good in orange or with a felony charge on their record. Hopefully your dad is a lawyer, loaded, or both. Otherwise I got nothing.
Lol, you mean like, a regular Tuesday?
Now do you regret saying YOLO at every meal?? Since obv you’re not going to reduce those calories from your liquor intake, it’s got to come from somewhere. Luckily returning from vacation is the perfect time to go on a cleanse. Extra bonus: by not eating solid food for at least a week, the inconveniently high tolerance you built up after all that binge drinking will drop.
Here’s your walk of shame, served with an extra side of shame. Your besties should organize a search party for your standards while you buy their silence.
Studies have shown that your PVSD could start to manifest as early as the last day of your vacation, so until then dage and tan as much as possible. Don’t let a vaca faux pas ruin your short-lived bliss. Unless you made the fatal error of giving a townie your number, then you should definitely hop on the next plane and GTFO.