Vagina Contouring is a Thing Women Are Doing Now, Apparently

By Sgt. Olivia Betchson

Just when you think you've heard it all, shit like this happens: you find out that there are women out there who are contouring their vaginas. And then you find out that it's actually got a name, and it's as stupid-sounding as the practice itself: Vontouring. Hey so uh, any chance we've found life on Mars yet? Because I'm officially done with this planet.

Vontouring (gag) is not done with makeup, as the term may lead you to believe, which I guess makes it less bad? Except for the fact that it's a procedure that uses ultrasound waves and intensive heating to create more collagen in your labia and make them like, tighter and more plump??? Which in turn is somehow supposed to make sex feel better??? Like I want to meet the man (because you KNOW it was some SAB) who was like "hey we have collagen for the lips, but what if we invent...collagen for the lips? Know what I'm sayin?" and then I want to punch him in the mouth. We have enough to be insecure about all the time, can we leave the damn vaginas alone? Or at the very least can we invent like 5 ridiculous new penis trends a week, to make it even?

I can't even get an SAB to trim his balls and you expect me is it anyway, put my vag under a fucking heat lamp? Fuck that. Your ridiculous vagina standards are why we need feminism.





Powered by Disqus




Forgot Your Password?

Create new account

User login