February 3, 2015
For a lot of betches, more freezing temperatures isn’t exactly what you had in mind for a dead of winter vacay. But, since for some reason your mom didn’t take your expert advice to go to the Maldives for President’s Day Weekend seriously, you’ve found yourself wondering what the fuck you’re going to do in Vail for three days on the family trip. “Really Mom?! We couldn’t at least go to Aspen??” But, don’t worry betch. If done correctly, Vail is just as expensive as Aspen, and besides, Aspen is melting soon anyways according to global warming.
The betchiest route is to obviously rent a ski-in-ski out mansion on the hill, but Vail’s Sonnenalp, Four Seasons or Solaris can also keep a betch very happy. Staying in Vail Village or Lionshead is the only way to go, although you might be able to make an exception for your college roomie’s 24-bedroom “cabin” in West Vail.
Obviously ski. Vail’s great because all the Texan tourists who don’t know how to ski go to Breck and leave you to only be ran into by rich Venezuelans. Ski Vail’s back bowls, and if you don’t suck, take a leap off of Lover’s on a powder day. If you’re more of a gondola-to-drinks type of athlete, head over to The Tenth at Mid Vail, where you can watch other people be cold from the comfort of your 36-dollar martini.
If you’re a non-skiing betch, sleep off your hangover and then do a late lunch at Sweet Basil or Yama. Then, walk around the village, spend 2,000 dollars at Gorsuch on a ridiculous faux fur hat you’ll wear twice, and then wait for après ski to happen.
The bottom of a beer pitcher at literally the first place you see is realistically where you’re going to find yourself at 4:15. No worries though, because you def burned a ton of calories straight lining down cruisers all day. If you can hold your need for alcohol long enough to make your restaurant choice deliberate, Vendetta’s is popular with all the hot local ski bums.
Vail nightlife is actually pretty good considering it’s a tiny town. Drop your parents off at the Red Lion and pretend to be super chill at Shakedown while listening to a jam band. Or, don’t pretend to be chill and sip champagne at Samana Lounge with other tourists. But do use caution: if a bro tells you he’s a pro skier and then buys you a drink, he’s lying to you because pro skiers don’t buy drinks.
So betches, no ski weekend can be complete without a possible ass bruise and a definite improved Instagram page. Just be warned that Vail pass closes pretty much every time it snows, so you may be staying awhile.