Valentine’s Day Draaaanks

By Betchy Crocker

Whether you’re spending this horrible holiday holding out for diamonds from your signif other OR ready to sit alone, eat nachos, wear those ugly ass sweatpants, and watch a slasher movie, you’ll need alcohol.

Of course, you could go the classy route and chug a bottle of white on your own, but let’s broaden our horizons here. I mean, it’s Valentine’s Day – the best made-up holiday of the whole year! Let’s take this shit to a new level.

We’ve rounded up four amazing draaank recipes that’ll make you feel classy and trashy, all at the same time. Like a perfect marriage, you and these drinks were made for each other.

Armagnac Champagne

Do you dream of being really fucking fancy? This cocktail blends Armagnac, Champagne, and Grand Marnier for a super amazing drank.

  • 1 oz. Bas-Armagnac Chateau du Tariquet VS
  • 1 oz. orange liqueur – I used Grand Marnier because duh
  • Brut Champagne – you def already have this on hand
  • 1-2 Maraschino cherries – don’t act like these aren’t in your fridge for those late night sundaes
  • Pour the Armagnac into a Champagne glass. Add the Grand Marnier, then fill with Champagne and stir gently with a spoon. Garnish with a Maraschino cherry.

The Overachiever

A refreshing sipper that’ll definitely show off what a fucking overacheiever you are when it comes to culinary shit. 

  • 1 oz. Diplomático Reserva Exclusiva rum
  • 1/4 oz. Diplomático Reserva rum
  • 2 oz. ruby port
  • 3/4 oz. lemon juice
  • 1/4 oz. simple syrup
  • 1/4 oz. Grenadine (if you don’t have exactly this, just use the liquid from the Maraschino cherry container
  • Orange zest

Fill a cocktail shaker with ice. Add all of the ingredients and shake like Taylor Swift told you to. Strain and serve in a chilled cocktail glass. Garnish with the orange twist.

Amarula Sunset

If you love ice cream and Kahlua, you’ll love this shit. Think of Amarula like a cross between Kahlua and Bailey’s, but, like, smoother.

  • 2 ½ oz. Amarula
  • ½ cup vanilla ice cream
  • 2-3 teaspoons strawberry puree – you can make your own, obviously
  • Fresh strawberry

Blend ingredients and pour into a martini glass. Garnish with a fresh strawberry so that you feel good about eating fruit for the day.




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