The Top 15 Vampires Of Hollywood

By Sabrina the Teenage Betch

People spent a lot of time gushing over Julie Andrews after this year’s Oscars ceremony, mostly because of how old and good looking she is. In a surprise speech honoring the Sound of Music's 50th anniversary, she told viewers she was shocked about where the time went, saying, “I blinked, and suddenly here I am.” Many found her endearing and graceful, but no one has pointed out how insensitive Andrews’ remarks were considering how many vampires were sitting right in front of her in the audience that night.

Supernatural creatures like Jared Leto, who haven’t shown even the slightest signs of biological change in decades, were completely snubbed as Andrews soaked up the limelight, wrinkles and all. Neither she nor the Academy seemed to feel at all guilty about how much more screen time she got as compared to people much hotter than her, who are also super old.

Like J-Lo for example, who was literally glowing on the red carpet. We can only naturally assume this was due to a very recent kill, and she looked incredible. The same goes for Jennifer Aniston, who turned up the heat in her champagne colored sparkle dress while her actual body temperature remained well below freezing. These celebrities have gone above and beyond to maintain the vitality that the entertainment industry demands, and frankly make Andrews appear lazy. Like, to look at her, she is definitely old.

But no matter how selfish both she and the Academy are, it’s time for the rest of us to applaud the real heroes, our celebrity vampires, for being perpetually glam. Here are our Top 15 Vampires of Hollywood:




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