June 15, 2015
Nothing screams betch like abandoning your hometown of Canada (Eh) at the age of 15 and starting a new life. That’s exactly what our girl Sydney of the US Women’s National Soccer squad did…not only to separate herself from the same country as the Biebs, (who knows it could have been the main motive) but also to move to the United States and pursue her dream of playing for team ‘Murica. Fucking patriotism at its finest.
Since she basically knew Canada sucked and witnessed the ‘99 US team display beast mode in their World Cup Championship (cue flashback to Brandi Chastain taking her shit off and showing off that sexy black sports bra), Sydney and her single mom aka ride or die decided to pack their bags and let Syd have a chance to play for a real team.
Sydney did it right too. She attended UCLA to play on their soccer team (while still working on her tan), got onto the National Team and even married MLS hottie Dom Dwyer in a secret wedding (#ZeroFucksGiven) to achieve power couple status…hence, earning her B.O.T.W. honors.
Just to clear the air…Alex Morgan you’re pretty and fast as hell so we like you too, but you don’t have as much swag as your teammate/BFFL so you weren’t a consideration.
Besides the fact that her Twitter avatar is a headshot of her whipping her hair in the air #WayStrongerThanWillowEverCould, there are several reasons why we should all bow down to Syd and take a few pointers from the fiercest betch on the USWNT.
First and foremost Sydney knows how to handle the haterz like a true betch. All the jealous Canadians give her mad OD drama for being a traitor, but Syd just lets that go and uses it as fuel to kick the shit out of her opponents. Sydney showed us that there’s nothing wrong with hitting it and quitting it to chase after something better. With this year’s World Cup happening right in her old stomping grounds it makes it hard to ignore all the haters when they’re right there but she somehow rises to the occasion and just does it. Sorry Canada, she’s ours now.
Sydney also is great at social media. She shows off her athletic figure in tasteful ways, flaunts her sexy hubby Dom Dwyer in snaps of them just being cute (but not gag cute) and she doesn’t OD on posts of her pet Chihuahua named Boss Leroux.
We also appreciate Syd because she’s feminine enough that we don’t have to question whether or not she’s a lesbian. Clearly softball is the only sport where the majority of athletes kiss girls and like it, but soccer always has the few exceptions.
She also masters the pretty but fierce look perfectly with her long locks and bad ass tattoos.
Aside from kicking ass on the field, Sydney also has a ton of endorsements and is worth over $3 millon. She's not dumb, betch better get that money.
So in conclusion: We want her bod. We want her bae. We want her bank account.
Go win us some gold, betch!