September 22, 2015
In case you weren't freaked out enough by student loans, embarrassing politicians trying to be president and global warming, here's one more news story to scare the shit out of you and haunt your dreams.
A virgin snake in Missouri gave birth. That's right, a snake decided that she was an independent woman who don't need no man and gave birth by her own damn self.
Unlike Jane the Virgin, this snake totally wanted to be a mother and just reproduced out of sheer willpower. Which is kind of admirable TBH but also really freaky.
The yellow-bellied water snake hasn't had contact with a dude snake (not to be confused with a dude's snake) in eight years, yet, this is the second time she's given birth to demon spawn without the help of a male.
Of course adorable, endangered animals like pandas and elephants don't have the ability to reproduce on a whim. It's the scary, reptilian mofos that decide to defy the laws of nature and pop out their scary, reptilian children.
Still, better lady snakes than betches becoming virgin mothers, amiright?.