The Only Moments of the VMAs Worth Remembering

By The Betches

The VMAs this year seemed a little hectic, did they not? Pre-show hosts were inexplicably screaming at celebrities, Brooklyn was being talked about as if it were Narnia, "these are ACTUAL brownstones behind me," and Miley Cyrus couldn't wait until after her performance to masturbate. A bit of a shit show, I'd say. Let's recap: 

It's times like these when we are thankful Syphilis does not transmit via cable fibers: 


That time (four fifths of) Danity Kane announced their reunion... 

...on the same night NSYNC reunited...

...was like a sad small penis losing its boner


The formula for a Justin Timberlake performance: Sing in falsetto, moonwalk, grab dick, repeat.

Then JT finally was like FINE I'll let them on stage for no more than 3 seconds:

It was perfect. 
However Taylor Swift dancing to it, was not. 
As a side note: your brain will never forgive you for watching the audience cam during commercials:
Then a lot of other shit happened, like One Direction getting shamelessly booed for winning 'Song of the Summer'
Then a hobbit showed up
Then there was like this AMAZING light show during Kanye's performance
A LOT of people were impressed
In other news, Taylor Swift is now dating Todd from Wedding Crashers
And Katy Perry is now allegedly hooking up with Carl, the Brooklyn Bridge homeless guy, that she invited to stand behind her during the show
And if you were unlucky, you got to see this twice: 




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