Dear Betch, Did I Get Cheated On If We Weren't Exclusive?

Dear Betch,

So I was (am?) dating this guy who is really great. We did not have the exclusivity talk or anything but since we were seeing each other so much, I assumed we were exclusive. But then he went of a vacation for a week and hooked up with some other girl. I sort of found out when we were talking and then he confessed he did. I have blocked him for now, but he has been apologizing. He even turned up at my place saying how much he regretted doing it. To be fair he did say he did not know we were exclusive and says he cares about me. So I am confused what I should do. Should I give him another chance? He does not seem to be a cheating type of guy, but I do remember what Friends have taught us "Once a cheater always a cheater".

Help me out!

Greeting from Europe.
Confused Betch

Buon giorno,

Brb, gonna go meditate to give me the patience to deal with this.

OK that didn’t really work so I’m gonna keep it short. Technically since you were never exclusive with this guy, you didn’t really get cheated on. Was it a crappy thing of him to do to hook up with someone else? Sure. Does the “once a cheater, always a cheater” mantra apply? Not really. You’re entitled to feeling hurt and certainly a little betrayed, so it’s up to you whether you believe he’s truly remorseful and wants to commit to you. If you do decide to give him another chance, make sure you firmly settle on the status/label of your relationship before going any further. But if you wanted to cut him off, nobody would (/should) blame you for that, either. TL;DR I can't tell you how to feel.

Only you can decide that,

The Betches

Got a fucked-up question only the Betches can answer? Email us your sob story to [email protected] and you just might get a response, and be sure to check out more dating advice in our new book, available for pre-order now.

Dear Betch

I love going out partying and drinking and luckily my best friend at Uni is also a hard partygoer. We both broke up with our boyfriends recently so we’re both single again, which is awesome. We are both part of a group at Uni and a few of our friends have coupled off and they keep putting pressure on us to find boyfriends.

It’s shitty when your closest friends are basically ignoring you because they’re in relationships but now I’m feeling like they just want me to start dating someone so they can be more couple-y around me but I am not just going to text the first guy on my phone and be like ‘hey wanna be my bf’ because its fucking stupid to date someone you don’t even like just coz you’re scared of being alone. I have a string of guy friends who are also drinking buddies and occasional hookups but I’m not interested in dating any of them and if they were interested in me they would’ve said something by now.

Anyways, what I’m asking is: how do you feel more comfortable around couple-y people that you have to see at uni all the time when they’re practically arranging marriages for you to avail themselves of your singleness?

And also any advice on… like… how to get feelings for people because right now, I’m pretty indifferent to boys.


just wanna go drinking

Dear future bestie,

Ugh, that’s majorly annoying and I feel for you. When it comes to dealing with your friends you can basically a) tell them to shove it and/or b) go out with them and their bfs anyway and just do you and don’t let the fact that they’re being couple-y get to you. (This is why alcohol was invented, I am 99% sure). I’d also recommend seeing your wifed friends sparingly and just doing your own thing with your other single friend. There’s nothing wrong with not wanting to jump into a new relationship right after a breakup. I actually think you have the right attitude about this, and if that’s not a sign of the apocalypse I don’t know what is.

I can’t in good conscience give you advice on how to have feelings—it would pretty much go against everything I stand for. You can join me on #teamdeadinside

Come to the dark side, we have vodka,

The Betches

Got a fucked-up question only the Betches can answer? Email us your sob story to [email protected] and you just might get a response, and be sure to check out more dating advice in our new book, available for pre-order now.




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