The Only Watermelon Rosé Slushie You Need This Summer

Who knows what an intermezzo course is? Nobody? K, it’s basically a mini fruity treat that you have in between a huge tasting menu at a fancy restaurant. The point is to wake up your taste buds after they've been working so hard to power through 10 courses of deliciousness. Life is hard. Basically, an intermezzo is a palate cleanser. But like, Italian and fancy. 

You're so fucking classy Shoshannah Girls

And apparently, in fun places like Aruba, intermezzos involve alcohol. Yet another reason we should all live in Aruba. I mean seriously, why don’t more restaurants serve entire courses that are literally 90% alcohol?

This got me thinking that I personally needed to bring this whole "alcohol disguised as a cleanse" thing to the US. So I did my research and came across this gem in Vanity Fair. It's a watermelon and rosé sorbet/punch thing. Basically, it's alcohol that doubles as a dessert. What could be better?! Oh right, nothing.

The next time you feel like getting drunk in the middle of the day you can just tell people that you're waking up your taste buds with some seasonally appropriate fruit and liquor. Thank me later, here’s the only watermelon and rosé cocktail/food you will need this summer. It combines a watermelon-rosemary sorbet with everyone's fave wine. In other words, it doesn't get more summery or betchier than this shit right here.

Rosé gif

Let's get to it (adapted from Vanity Fair).

First, let's start with the watermelon sorbet because that's the hard part.


  • 1 ½ cups granulated sugar
  • 1 cup water
  • 3 sprigs of rosemary
  • 3 pounds seedless watermelon cut into cubes—about 10 cups. Just buy 1 watermelon for all this shit. I Googled it and one weighs 20 pounds. If it's not enough, sue me. I was only trying to help.
  • ½ cup lime juice
  • ¼ cup and 2 tablespoons tequila—or more if you're feeling risky.

Bring the sugar, water, and rosemary to a boil. Remove from heat and let it cool, then strain. Combine the rosemary syrup, watermelon, lime juice, and tequila in a blender until smooth af. Strain that shit and stick it in the fridge overnight. You can then freeze the sorbet "granita style," which is when you stick it in the freezer and stir it every 5 fucking hours, but honestly that just seems like a lot of work. Am I supposed to get up in the middle of the night to stir some sorbet? Fuck that.

Now onto the fun part—the alcohol.

Parks and Rec Thank You Alcohol


  • 1 quart watermelon-rosemary sorbet (that shit we just made earlier)
  • 1 bottle sparkling rosé
  • 2 cups diced, seedless watermelon

THIS PART IS EASY AF. Spoon a bunch of the sorbet into the bottom of a (chilled, if you're fancy/TTH) glass and top with a bunch of the watermelon cubes. Pour the sparkling rosé over it. Bask in the glory of your amazing new fancy way to get shitfaced.





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