We Took a 50 Shades of Sex Class, Liked It as Much as We Hated the Movie

By Sabrina the Teenage Betch

If you felt like the 50 Shades of Grey movie was lacking in a few things (realism, IQ points, anything compelling whatsoever), then you might be interested to hear what happened when we checked out a sex class with a similar topic. We recently enrolled in “50 Shades of Hot Sex” at Babeland in their Soho location, and booked the whole thing through Coursehorse.com. It was fun, informative and exponentially better than paying $10+ dollars to stare at Dakota Johnson’s nipples for two hours.

The class we took had a BDSM flair—but Babeland has tons of course offerings in addition to also being a pretty amazing sex store. It’s been women owned since 1993 and is very betchy in the sense that the whole place is run by female sex educators who DGAF about anything except helping you have incredible sex. They also gave us champagne during the class and raffled off some items from the store, making them my newest and most generous friends. 

“50 Shades of Hot Sex” was presented by two teachers who were funny, straightforward and not fucking awkward like your sex ed teacher from high school. They taught us in the middle of the store with a white board, demonstrated with props, answered questions and kept us laughing the whole time. They also made us, like, really want to have sex which is probably the best indication of all that they knew their shit. Mainly, they told us that 50 Shades was a great way to get a cultural dialogue started about BDSM (probably too great since no one will STFU about this series), but that it’s based mostly on fantasy and there’s a LOT more to learn.

Here were some of our favorite takeaways:

1. You don’t have to be a weird, tortured soul like Christian Grey to be into this stuff.

2. It’s a very good idea to talk to your partner before trying any of it so they know what you’re interested in and what you’re seriously not. (No, passive aggressively texting them after the fact is not a sound alternative.)

3.  If you’re into bondage and want to use rope, don’t work at a poor hardware store like Anastasia and use the cheap kind because it has fibers that can get into your skin. Sex shops (like Babeland) will have treated rope that look nicer, feel nicer, and again aren’t poor.

4. Spanking and punching can be fun and exciting since some people really get off on the mixture between pleasure and pain. You should practice lightly on a partner or yourself before trying this. **WARNING—you should aim to hit on the fatty part of the body (ass, thighs, cheeks) but we know this is incredibly hard for betches to find so please take some extra time to see if this is even possible for you.

5. Fruits make great safe words. You should probably also come up with some non-verbal safe words (jingle a set of keys, make a certain motion) because it’s pretty hard to say pineapple when you’re getting choked out.

6. Floggers: they’re different from whips in that they have multiple tails. They’re also pretty difficult to use because something called “wrapping” can occur where the end of the tail hits way harder than you intended it to. AKA, I’m not doing this one unless you’re an expert, AKA I’m probably not doing this one.

7. It’s good for us to have sexual fantasies and to get creative with them, especially in how we define the power dynamics. Instead of a “traditional” teacher-student sexual fantasy, you could have one in which the student has blackmail on the teacher and therefore has more authority in the relationship. Or, your teacher could be Nick Jonas and he gives you five million dollars in cash and then you have sex on top of it while diamonds rain from the sky. But anyways I digress.

8. If you’re planning to play around with any of these BDSM techniques, make sure you keep the physical space around you neutral. If you don’t have a sex dungeon readily available to you (woooow) and you’ll be in your bedroom, put away any laundry or photos that might be a distraction.

All in all, this class was a great way to end our weekend and we’d highly recommend this (and other Babeland courses) to anyone who’s bored of missionary. You’ll also get 10% off everything in the store for showing up.

We’re going to be reviewing more classes AND if you want to take your own class you can get a 10% discount if you book it through www.coursehorse.com. Just use the code: Betches10.




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