It’s your last weekend to freely rage before, like, next weekend when you’re stuck at home with your weird extended family who didn’t GTFO after Thanksgiving dinner. Let’s not drag this out longer than it has to be, Aunt Gretchen. Anyway, get all your sexy debauchery out of your system, because you might be too bloated from leftovers next Friday.
Aries
Saturday’s New Moon opens you up to a taboo topic. So yeah, your boyfriend might ask you about butt stuff again. Under the New Moon, you’re a little bit more prone to disagreements. Be cautious as to not allow yourself to get persuaded into a (sexual) position from which there is no return.
Taurus
The guy you thought you firmly friend-zoned recently might zombie up from his romantic death. Is it love, or did he just buy you Chipotle? The New Moon Saturday could push a new relationship into the light or dark, depending on how psycho you come off the next time you see him.
Gemini
The New Moon promotes wellness. You know, like how you promise yourself you’re not going to eat a gallon of mashed potatoes on Thanksgiving and totally do so every year anyway? Get your ass to SoulCycle this weekend, so you can really lose three pounds just to gain it all back in a week.
Cancer
You’re intrigued by someone new. The New Moon Saturday excites your interest in someone who seems mysterious and different. This could turn out really well… except for the fact that all dudes you would describe as “mysterious” turn out to be Justin Bobby-type fuckboys.
Leo
You’re kind of dreading Thanksgiving Weekend for some fucked up reason. Do you feel shitty for, like, not having a perfectly Instagrammable family? You need to grow the fuck up this weekend and quick acting like such a little skeeze to the people who love you most.
Virgo
You’re really into being a better communicator. The New Moon Saturday sparks your desire to connect with those around you. This does not mean you should answer a “U Up?” text or reply when the guy who ghosted you sends the ever-haunting “I miss you” bullshit. Fall is a time of death and decay. Let sleeping relationships lie.
Libra
By Sunday, you’re going to have had enough of someone’s shit. Whether it’s a weird-ass roommate or a family member who is being controlling as fuck, you need to get whatever it is off your chest. Speak your peace so the holidays don’t continue to be awkward AF.
Scorpio
The New Moon in your sign makes it the perfect weekend to celebrate yourself and the gift you truly are to the world. Your festivities extend into Sunday, so clear your mind of all negative energy, and learn to let fucking go of things you can’t control. IDK what helps with that. Crystals, maybe?
Sagittarius
The shadow of the New Moon is causing you to retreat into your own head. You can only ask, “Why didn’t he text me back?” a million times before you turn into a legit psycho. Make peace with the parts of your personality that you consider shitty this weekend, and cut out anyone who can’t do the same.
Capricorn
Ugh, why does it always seem that you’re attracted to people who are shady? The New Moon in your weekend horoscope shows you could be adding a few new faces to your circle. Do some proper vetting before you open up to someone you only think you know. Sorry Taylor, no snakes welcome here.
Aquarius
This continues to be a time of high visibility for you. Yes, that means everyone you see this weekend and next will want to ask you about every gory detail of your life. Better use the weekend to come up with a good story or a kick-ass response to the questions about what you’ve been doing with your whole life.
Pisces
Venus aligning with Neptune to start the weekend can make you lost in that Pisces head of yours, especially when it comes to love. Do you really love this person, or are you in love with the idea of him? You can fantasize about how fucking great your relationship could be, but your time is better spent recognizing how it actually is IRL.
