Well, here we are again. The weekend. Is it going to be a rager, or are you going to stay inside eating your weight in calories and binge-watching GLOW? Both options sound pretty good, TBH. How is one to decide? Ask the stars, duh. This week we have consulted Google the stars to bring you the best possible weekend horoscope, so you can make the most of the 48 hours in between going back to work. If anybody questions your decision making this weekend cut them out of your life kindly explain to them that you’re fulfilling your cosmic destiny. They’ll totally understand.
Aries
Work got you down, Aries? Welcome to the rest of your life. Just kidding, that’s what losers say. We settle for nothing less than the best, so if you’re job isn’t that then it’s time to move the fuck on. This isn’t going to be an easy task, unless your dad is a CEO looking to hand out some careers. You’re going to have to put in some real work to get where you want to be, but it’ll be worth it once you’re working in your chic mid-century industrial loft just like every CW show told you that you would. Get a head start on your new life this weekend by scouring job posting sites. If it makes you feel better, treat yourself afterwards with an upgraded wardrobe for your upgraded life.
Taurus
After two straight weekends of overhauling your life, you’ve earned a break, Taurus. Change is exhausting, more so when it’s directed entirely at yourself. This weekend, live by one motto: treat yo’self. Spa treatment? Check. New wardrobe? Check. An extra fatty brunch? Double fucking check. Whatever you need to do to wind down, book it now. Relish in the luxury today, because after this weekend it’s back to the real world.
Gemini
You’ve been working hard, Gemini, and despite what you’ve been starting to think, it’s not going unnoticed. This weekend you’ll finally get some of that much-deserved recognition you’ve been craving, and there is no shame in basking in it. Hopefully, you’re someone who is good at accepting compliments, because they’re about to start flooding in. If not, now is the perfect time to get some practice in. Just smile nod graciously, and let everyone gush about how awesome you are.
Cancer
As is typical for month long celebrations, the past couple weeks have likely wrecked your bank account, Cancer. Don’t worry, it was totally worth it. However, unless you want to be stuck eating rice and beans for the next couple months, it’s time to cool off for a bit. This weekend, ignore the siren call of happy hours that turn into late night affairs. You’ll be horrified by how much money you save, to the point that you’ll start imagining how rich you’d be if you had no friends at all. A couple weekends of this kind of behavior should put you right back on track.
Leo
Have you been thinking about making a change lately, Leo? Of course you have, because your horoscope says so. Use this as the ultimate sign that it’s time to capitalize on that change. Use this weekend to get your thoughts organized and to start putting things in motion. Moving to a new city? Start looking at places to live. Redecorating your home? Get that Pinterest board ready. Trying to make new friends? Reach out to acquaintances that could introduce you to a new group. Whatever it takes, start moving while the motivation lasts.
Virgo
When life throws you lemons, make something that involves lemons and alcohol. Well this weekend, Virgo, life will be throwing you lots of lemons. A citrus basket, if you will. The good news is you won’t be getting scurvy anytime soon. The bad? You’re gonna have a stressful couple of weeks. Take some time over the next few days to step back and take stock of your life. Odds are, this is a push in the right direction. A wildly inconvenient one, but a push nonetheless. Once you accept that, things will get easier. Even easier after you have a couple of those lemon/alcohol concoctions.
Libra
It’s time to get shit done, Libra. There are literal months’ worth of projects piling up at home, and this weekend is the time to actually tackle them. Break out your craft box and get to work, because summer waits for no DIY. Celebrate at the end of your journey by hosting a party to catch up with friends show off what an amazing job you did. Feeling accomplished is one thing, but nothing is quite as satisfying as the envious compliments of your closest friends.
Scorpio
So you may have lost your chill earlier this week, Scorpio. It’s cool. It happens. People have come to expect it from you. But now that you’ve collected yourself, it may be time for some damage control. Odds are you have at least one sensitive friend (unfortunately), and that’s probably a good place to start if you’re worried that you set some people off. Take her to coffee, let her get weepy, and then let her know that any combination of PMS/stress/existential crisis was responsible for your momentary breakdown. Odds are she only wants to hear you pretend to apologize before moving on. If it takes more than that, a bottle of wine never hurt a wounded friendship.
Sagittarius
We get it, Sagittarius, your last relationship sucked. You know, your mom knows, your friends and the bartender at your local dive know. Well guess what? It’s time to move on. Use this weekend to both literally and metaphorically rid yourself of any unnecessary baggage that may have built up over the last couple months. Buy some moisturizer, get rid of some of the unnecessary people in your life, and bask in that summer sun. Nothing soothes a broken heart like a perfect tan, right?
Capricorn
Putting yourself out there is hard, Capricorn, but it’s not harder than being alone. This weekend, the opportunity to open up to someone will present itself, and you’d be wrong to ignore it. Sure, it may be easier to brush things off than address actual emotions, but these things can’t be avoided forever. Make your lifelong therapist proud and show off your high emotional intelligence this weekend. Who knows, it could actually work out for you. If not, there’s always vodka to soothe the sting.
Aquarius
This weekend is a minefield, Aquarius. There will be events to ignore, people to avoid and friends to help guide through it, and it’s all falling on you. As an expert planner, you’ve been training your whole life for this moment. Instead of letting other dictate your course, set up a weekend full of your own fun, exclusive activities. Your friends will be too busy enjoying themselves to realize that they’re low-key in hiding. Reward yourself for all your hard work come Saturday with long, Mimosa-fueled brunch. Go wild with that eggs Benedict, you earned it.
Pisces
This is a weekend for trying new things, Pisces. We’re not saying you’re in a rut…. but things are starting to look a little stale on your end. For the next two days, abandon all your regular spots and broaden your horizons. Try that new coffee shop that opened up by your office. Get wild with a new cuisine you wouldn’t usually opt for. Spend your night in a new, unexplored part of town. Caveat: there is a very real possibility that you hate every bit of it. There’s a reason you’re stuck in your ways after all. But what if a weekend of discovery leads you to a newfound passion? It’s up to you to decide if that’s a risk you’re willing to take.
