June 1, 2015
We’ve partnered with Lifetime’s new scripted series UnREAL to bring you our take on something we’ve all considered after a bottle of wine or two: actually going on a reality dating show. Check out our take, then catch the series premiere tonight at 10/9c to get a fictitious glimpse of what happens between your fave suitors, contestants and the producers who work their magic behind-the-scenes.
So now that I'm out of college, my love life has been kind of sucky. I mean, I’ve been going on dates and stuff every now and then, but none of these guys seem to grab my attention. They all seem super shallow and into themselves, i.e. “My focus is on my career and matching my driving mocs to every button-down shirt I own.” I feel like I’ve tried it all -- dating sites, being set up by friends, casual hookups at the bar, etc. I know it sounds lame, but I feel myself getting kind of desperate to find someone to settle down with. So desperate that I’ve even considered going on a dating show. Being hot and sane, I think I could actually be a competitor, plus if it doesn't work out, at least I gave it a shot and hopefully got a free trip to the Caymans. Seriously, what do I have to lose?
Judgment aside, can you please help me put together a list of pros and cons of dating on reality shows?
La Betch Desperada
It’s Actually “Desesperada,”
Lucky for you, I (like most betches) have watched so many reality TV dating shows (and their respective spinoffs) that it’s honestly shameful. In other words, I have tons of authority on this issue. I could go nit-picking about how suspect certain parts of your letter are (if you were actually sane would they even pick you for the show? Really?) but I’ll just lay out the pros and cons like you asked. But first, a few things to consider:
The Suitor: Who is it? Is it a washed-up former C-list celeb? If so, pass. You’ll have to fight through a bunch of crazy groupies and he won’t even call you after filming wraps. Plus you’ll forever have to live with the shame that you made out with somebody older and drunker than your uncle.
The Location: It sounds like you’ve already done that, but just to reiterate: you should not settle for anything less than a tropical paradise. Much like life in general.
The Prize: Is there a prize, other than the “man of your dreams”? Are they going to spring a last-minute wedding on you if you make it to the end? Really think about if you would rather be known for a) being a runaway bride or b) having a 72-hour sham marriage that was only for TV.
K, now that I trust you’ve got your thinking cap on, allow me to stream-of-consciousness out some pros and cons.
Pro: Free liquor. If what I watch on reality shows is 100% accurate (don’t answer that), the Goose will be flowing every night and it’s pretty much a nonstop house party. A nonstop house party with 10-15 girls you don’t like and are competing against for the same guy/STD’s, but free alcohol nonetheless.
Con: Being drunk on TV. All the vodka your heart desires sounds too good to be true, and that’s because it is. Obv the producers are just trying to get everybody wasted so they can catch you making out with another contestant / crying in the bathroom / vomming behind the couch / starting a bunch of drama / whatever your ratchet drunken behavior may be.
Pro: You only have to focus on one guy. And odds are he won’t be using any cheesy pickup lines to get you to go out on a date with him. Score.
Con: Everybody else is also focusing on the same, one guy. So if you’re the non-confrontational type who believes the guy should come to you, I don’t see you moving past the first round of cuts.
Pro: You could leave with a bunch of new friends. See also: free alcohol.
Con: You will definitely leave with a bunch of new Eskimo sisters. Hopefully nobody has a cold sore!
Pro: You could also leave with a hot pro BF. And you would have the best “So, how did you two meet?” story of all time, pretty much. Take that, Shmosby.
Con: Those relationships hardly ever last. Sad, but true.
Overall, I would say reality shows are definitely betchy. Like, you get a free trip to somewhere with awesome weather, a hot guy, and you get to be on TV. Think of all the likes your selfies will get after you appear on a reality show. So many likes.
Try not to become the resident BSCB,