What Do Guys Really Think About Squirting? Ask a Pro

By The Betches

Dear Head Pro,

What do guys really think about squirting?


Niagara Falls

Does it matter? I feel like holding back would result in some sort of rupturing, which would be bad for your ladybusiness. Anyway, it’s hard to say what “guys” think - I would imagine, as with anything else sexual, the spectrum ranges from “disproportionately repulsed by it” to “can’t get off without it.” One thing, though, is that it makes washing our sheets a more pressing issue, which all men universally despise.

Personally, I’m all for it. Shower me with your love.

Dear Head Pro,

My boyfriend of almost one year is graduating and I'm not. He's moving across the country for a job and I'm headed to Australia for a semester abroad in the fall. We have not discussed what we are going to do, and I'm in denial because our relationship is in a great place. Is it stupid to attempt long-distance when we are going to be in such different stages of our lives and won't live in the same place again for years, if ever? To be perfectly honest, I feel like in June, I will get all emotional and want to be-together-forever, but when I'm abroad, I'll want to be living the single life. When and how do I bring this up without ruining what should be a great last college spring together?


Sad Underclassman

Yes, you are certainly going to break up, and yes it would be dumb to attempt the LDR. No need to pout about it, though. Just ride out the good times for as long as they’ll last. This is just one of many difficult parts of transitioning from college to the real world.

Either that, or cheat on him. That would accelerate things a good bit.

Dearest Head Pro,

Here's the deal: my last boyfriend died. It was a sudden, freak accident and it's been well over a year since it happened but it still blows. I've been dating a new guy for a few months and things are starting to get a little more serious but I haven't told him about my last boyfriend at all. I still have feelings for my ex, because technically he was never my ex. We never broke up, things ended because he is no longer living.

As a guy, how do you think I should approach telling my new guy about this situation? Is it something I should just keep to myself? I'm confident that he'll be understanding and all, but it's still pretty shitty and I don't want him to feel awkward or think I have like issues or something.


I promise I'm not a Debbie Downer

Ouch. Sorry for your loss. I’m obviously in no place to tell you how you feel about something, but saying “technically he was never my ex” is telling. The definition of an “ex” is dependent on the two of you no longer dating, not the terms of said separation. Plus, you have a new boyfriend - that would make your old one your ex by definition. Just look within and be sure you really feel ready to move forward.

I think you definitely want to  broach the subject yourself, to avoid it coming up in ways beyond your control (Hey Liz, whatever happened between you and the dead guy?). I think you want to be honest, but not, like, TOO honest. Say something like “Hey, if I never talk about my ex, it’s because he passed away while we were still together. It’s still very hard for me sometimes, but I’m working through it and being with you helps a lot.” Just don’t get too heavy into the whole “still have feelings for him” thing.

Hell, if your boyfriend asks (though it would be rude of him), lie a little - say “I wouldn’t call them ‘feelings,’ but it’s hard when things end so suddenly.”

Dear Head Pro,

I wanted a man's opinion on a topic that has always come up with multiple answers depending on who I ask, and I'd like some clarification. Basically, I am in my late 20's and still a virgin, mainly due to poor self-esteem, lack of options, and being overweight. Currently, I am shedding my weight, self-image problems, and overall becoming a healthier person, both mentally and physically. My dilemma is I am terrified about how a guy will react when he learns I have gone this long without having sex; even more so, that I will probably be dealing with these new experiences in the same way that a teenager would. I have a great job, make a lot of money, and have had to develop a kickass personality (as only a fat girl has to learn to do), but I'm so afraid that I will scare some guy off because of my inexperience. Is this really as big of a deal breaker as it seems to be?


Tired of not getting any

No. Sex isn’t a free-for-all once you hit your late 20s like it was in college (not that you’d know lolllll). Their options are to either get over it or not have sex with you. Just bring it up confidently and candidly whenever it becomes appropriate. Also, fatness isn’t a prerequisite to developing a “kickass personality” - lots of us pretty people have them as well.




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