What Do I Do After Discovering My Dad's Porn? Ask A Pro | Betches

What Do I Do After Discovering My Dad's Porn? Ask A Pro

By The Head Pro

Dear Head Pro,


I was visiting my parents yesterday for dinner and caught up with them. My dad needed help with logging into his laptop because for some reason it wasn't working. I tried to help but realized I needed to get the customer support number to fix whatever he had done. I reached for his ipad and opened the browser, where I saw like 20 tabs opened. I said,

"Dad, you need to close out your tabs when you finish"
He was dumbfounded, "well how do you do that?"
"You have to press the X in the corner of the screen because you have 20 windows open now"
"Oh, I do...?"

I went to close the windows for him and among his company website and church events list (yep) there were 8 windows of PORN. PORN. OMG I wanted to die when I saw this. And the worst part is that I don't know if there were so many tabs because when he clicked one, three more opened. IDK. AND I don't want to know. But I do want to know because GOD that is weird to think about. My dad watches porn.

I just can't swallow that. And see how every work choice is like weirdly sexual? Like ew how do I deal? Do I just pretend I didn't see anything? Never open his ipad again?

​Love,
Ew ew ew

Dear Ew,

Well, what do you know? A hard-working, God-fearing church-going man likes to spank it every now and again (consider that if he really didn’t know how to close the tabs, eight isn’t all that many over a long period of time). That is understandably scarring, maybe even more so than having intimate knowledge of your parents having sex. Mom and dad having sex for the purposes of creating me? Fine. But dad as a sexual being on his own? HORRIFYING.

Still, do you really think there’s any proper course of action here other than inaction? What’s your alternative, a conversation?

You: “Dad, this is awkward, but I have to bring up what I saw when I helped fix your iPad. There was a lot of… porn”
Dad: [Blushes] “Sure thing, sweetie. I think we can have an adult conversation about that, provided we also talk about the time your mother and I…

- Found the used condom in your bedroom trashcan
- Could smell weed coming out from under your bedroom door
- Picked you up from that party in high school when you were clearly drunk but said you weren’t
- Saw your phone when you and your friend were talking about giving your boyfriends oral sex
- Received the letter notifying us of your academic probation that one semester (since we pay your tuition)
- Got the bill for your trip to the student health center for Plan B (good on you for making the responsible choice, btw)

…If we can talk about all of those things, then yes, we can talk about the pornography you noticed open on my iPad.”

Is that how you want that conversation to go?

Scandalous Kisses,

Head Pro

Dear Head Pro,

As a bit of background, I had been with my boyfriend for 6 years when....

I was using his computer to skype a friend and after searching for 'skype' several pages of naked pictures of girls came up. I called him and he was like 'huh, what pictures? you're my only skype contact' but when i delved a little deeper, the files said 'received via skype transfer' I found his fake skype user name and googled it and found a plenty of fish profile with the tagline "recently out of a 3 year relationship and ready to get back on the horse" (I should have been a detective) I found his fake email address and he's signed up to a million of these sex sites where he spoke to girls and sent and received photos/videos.

He swears he never cheated (this is totally cheating) but not meeting up- I dont even think it matters. Its the massive elaborate lie he told, over years of us being together. He even went on it on his birthday after I'd been with him all day but had to leave to go to work. I'm angry and sick and literally have no idea what to do.

We have never had any issues with trust before- although I have never looked at his facebook, email, phone before. I really wanted to just forget it or think of it as a bit more than porn but its not is it? Who knows how long it would have been till he would have met someone, if he hasn’t already??! So anyway I've moved out of our house but he's begging me to come back...

Overreacting betch?

Dear Overreacting to what, exactly?,

Yikes. Good move getting the fuck out of the house, though you just as well could have kicked him out, since he must have, like, SO MANY skype girlfriends he could live with. I suppose there are some weirdos out there who will say “well, he didn’t technically cheat…” Bullshit. I’m pulling a Potter Stewart and saying I know it when I see it, and setting up multiple skype and online dating accounts is DEFINITELY cheating.

The “bit more than porn” part is an interesting point, in a way. You could say that there’s no difference between jerking it to a recorded video and jerking it to a girl doing stuff live on cam. Those things exist, where you can pay or sign in or whatever to watch people fool around on cam, and they I guess live in that gray area. The difference, though, is that they’re still one-sided and transactional. Pornography, whether streamed live or filmed professionally, is still media intended solely for consumption. Your boyfriend, on the other hand, is having full-blown interactions, and that’s where he crosses the line.

You’re right, you’re lucky you found out before it got any worse (it almost certainly will/would have). Of course he wants you back, because no amount of dirty skyping can replace a real person. Fuck him. Stay away and never look back. What he’s doing is definitely not normal.

Cyber Kisses,

Head Pro

Got a question for the Head Pro? Email him at [email protected] and follow him on Twitter.




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LET IT OUT, HONEY

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