February 14, 2014
Betches knows that texting is all about maintaining a balance. Ideally, you want at least two texts from a bro for every text that you send him (and one of those should be an offer for drugs, alcohol, or to pick you up in his car). Major points are always scored for not answering at all. Betches are the receivers of Double Texts, not the givers, but when you do find yourself in a conversation that is not going your way, there are steps you can take to not totally lose your shit after sending one too many texts.
Resist the urge to try and clarify your embarrassing desperation with more texts like "lol sorry I'm texting so much this party is just sooooo boring." Betches know what a bullshit excuse looks like and if this bro is worth all these texts then he will too.
The best thing you can do after Double Texting is go back to not giving a shit (or pretending not to give a shit) as quickly as possible. The number one thing you want to avoid after Double Texting is Triple Texting and then falling into a Text Spiral, where your entire iMessage screen is full of your own hook up attempts and you have to actually scroll up to get back to a time when he was answering you. Seriously, I'm 80% sure the War in Iraq escalated because of an unanswered triple text. The Text Spiral is an automatic loss in the game. There is no coming back so just don't let that shit happen.
A betch's desire to be over it should always be stronger than her desire for some bro's attention, but if you really feel like you can’t control yourself, just delete his number. So now, the only way you can text him is if he texts you first.
Honestly, though, if you have to do this you should really take the rest of your night to reflect because you might be a delusional dater. If this strategy doesn’t work because you’ve memorized his number then you are just generally fucked and no one, ourselves included, can help you. The only part of a number a betch would ever remember would be the area code, and that's just to make sure you're not wasting time on some guy from a povo neighborhood. No one has needed to memorize a full number since like 2001. Get your shit together.
Also, feel free to write a Dear Betch because we'd fucking love to make fun of you.
He's not away from his phone. He didn't not feel it vibrate. Everyone has their phone. Everyone feels it vibrate. He is ignoring you.
Anything that he may say later like "phone died! sorry!" is basically the same as saying "sorry new phone!" to a person whose number you never gave enough of a shit about to save in the first place. You embarrassed yourself enough with the Double Text, don't embarrass yourself more by believing this bro's bullshit later.
Your main goal now is to restore the natural balance of life where betches are on top and winning and bros are on bottom desperately trying to get their attention. Make sure to totally ignore him on the internet and in public. Depending on how embarrassing the Double Texts were, he'll probably text you again. When he does, wait it out until he texts you a second time. Now he's the Double-Texter and balance has been restored.
However, if you did something totally fucking crazy like sending him an unsolicited picture of your tits or saying you want to be his girlfriend, then go find that betch who taught Hellen Keller how to read because you need a miracle worker.