If you’re like me, you don’t give a single fuck about Valentine’s day because you just booked a hotel room in Miami with your girls for the weekend and the only boy you’re after on this romantic day is a smooth gentleman by the name of Dom Perignon. However, some of us betches do in fact have a hot date lined up, and while I know nothing about men, I do know about fashion. Let’s get to it.
The mood is set, baby. The restaurant is bathed in candlelight, you stuffed your face a few hours ago so you could actually order that kale salad and get completely into pretending to love it, and he’s laughing at all your hilarious anecdotes. Funny and fuckable; my God you’ve charmed his hand onto your knee and maybe his salary into a joint bank account if this keeps going this well. Everything is perfect. Until, that is, you stand up, and after getting a better look at your outfit, he realizes that he’s seen it somewhere... on his mom. Or worse, on that girl he met in the bar last weekend that moonlights as a stripper at The Slippery Mermaid. Don’t be that girl.
There’s more to love than looks; ask any betch who learned the hard way, weeping into a jar of Nutella after some basic bro ghosted her because she seemed “too superficial” or “all she wanted to do was watch The Bachelor on repeat and blab about hot she would look if she had Kylie Jenner’s plastic surgeon.” First impressions are everything, and whatever nicegirl that said “it’s what’s on the inside that counts” was full of shit and clearly had never been on a first date. There’s a grey area somewhere in between dressing like a slut and a Sunday school teacher: relationship territory. Let us show you how to put the wifey in your wardrobe to make that first date into a second one.
Mini dresses like these are ideal because the high neckline exudes class while the length shows off the legs and adds a subtle sexiness. As Drake once said, “I want a bad bitch from a decent home.” Preach, Drizzy.
I don’t know why so many guys are mind-blown by the rompers. “Why don’t you just wear a dress?”, “How do you pee?” And so on. For some reason, when (in my humble opinion) the greatest leap in feminism broke the glass ceiling of fashion, the jumpsuit, made pants sexier than ever before, they never complained. That’s because jumpsuits fucking rule. They make you look thin, polished, seductive, and powerful.
Finally, leather pants are a fantastic alternative to the mini dress/jumpsuit route because they’re more relaxed and conservative, but can be dressed up by a nice blouse and heels. Check out my favorite pairings here. For tops, try to stick with silk or chiffon materials as anything cotton will dress down the look too much.