August 6, 2014
With all the blacking out a betch engages in daily, it's important to understand that even what you drink is an opportunity to pass judgment. Here's what your drink of choice says about you.
Wine: You’re probably a classy betch who likes to get drunk and sob over your ex boyfriend. Sometimes you pretend you know the difference between “buttery” and “citrus” white wine. Unless you’re drinking Franzia… then you’re just ratchet.
Beer: You like to chill with the bros and tend to not give a fuck about your calorie count. You’re probably a pretty relaxed betch. Maybe you even do a few keg stands here and there. Party on.
Vodka: You don’t give a fuck what you’re drinking, you just want to get drunk, and quickly. Everyone knows shots of vodka are nasty so maybe you mix it in with some Redbull. Either way you should probably reevaluate your life and stop throwing up every night.
Tequila: Everyone knows tequila makes a betch’s clothes fall off. So you’re probably the type that likes to wave their bikini top around on the beach and hook up with the first bro you see that night. And if you don’t end up laying with a guy you’re probably laying face down on the street.
Whiskey: You probably like to think that you are sophisticated. Honestly you probably just graduated college and have no idea what the fuck to do with your life so you like to hang out at whiskey bars with those who do. Most likely you order whiskey sours, ain’t no betch who can deal with straight bourbon.
Jaagermeister: You enjoy your drink when you drink it. Although you are definitely taking Jagerbombs, so you are also a party betch. Also you’re a true betch because Jager ain’t cheap.
Gin: You’re probably an old man tbh. Please just take a look at your life and reevalute. Please.
Rum: Did you just escape from jail? Are you a pirate from the 17th century? If that answer is yes then I’m not sure why you’re even reading this and honestly that’s pretty sketchy.
Where has all the rum gone? Where has all your class gone?