Oh boy, we’re here to ruin your day, again. How many times have you come home from a night of drinking and/or drugs looking to raid the fridge for the unhealthiest shit you can find? I may or may not have eaten a pack of bologna while I was high once, but that’s neither here nor there.
If you aren’t heading home, you’ve headed to a pizza place, a bakery, or a hot dog stand. We’re here to put the fear of God in you so you never, ever, make those drunk decisions again.
Today, we’re examining the hot dog, and just how fucking bad for you they are.
Let’s start with what hot dogs are made of. Most of these wieners are made with a combination of poultry trimmings (that means feet, beaks, and all the neat organs including assholes and faces), water, corn syrup, and “filler,” which is usually made up of more shit you don’t want to know about.
They may or may not help you get cancer. No, really. A research division of the World Health Organization stated that processed meats can lead to a higher risk for colorectal cancer because of how processed and unnatural that shit is thanks to some of the chemicals involved in cooking and processing the meat.
They’re not that friendly to your waistline. A regular hot dog on a regular bun is going to set you back about 300 calories, depending on your toppings. I mean, you could do a lot worse and get something like a chili cheese burger or sausage, but wouldn’t you be happier with some celery and hummus? You would.
If you must, check the label. If you’re seriously craving a hot dog, at least go for an uncured, no nitrates, no antibiotics dog. There really is no such thing as a healthy hot dog and there are a total of zero health benefits, but something like Applegate Farms Uncured Beef Hot Dogs is going to be better for you in the long run than an Oscar Meyer Weiner—regardless of how catchy that song is.
So, there you have it. We suggest you print this list and keep it in your purse for the next time you’re stumbling around and craving wieners.