September 14, 2015
So this question will probably not have a very complex answer but I have never been in this situation before and I need some advice from the best.
My ex boyfriend, whom I dated for 10 months, has just been dumped by the girl he dated 2 months after our breakup. Their relationship only lasted 5 months and was, from what I heard, not very serious. My ex is now starting to talk to me more often, just making small talk. He is super fucking stupid and has a very sensitive ego so of course he thinks I am “happy they broke up.“ How do I make it clear to him that I am completely over him and how should I approach talking about his breakup if it comes up in conversation? I don't want to directly say I don't give a shit, just through my way of speaking and shit I guess.
So, basically, I don't want to be cold as fuck.. Cold and Civil??
Dear One Who Gives Too Many Fucks,
Ah, yes. The old classic, "How do I seem like I DGAF when in fact, I have many fucks to give?" dilemma. I hate to break it to you, but there's no way to convey you give zero fucks about someone and still be nice about it. Not caring and being nice are equal and opposite reactions (I would know, I majored in physics). So you have to choose one, and since you asked me I'm making the choice for you: you choose not caring.
As for how you, too, can put into practice the art of not caring? It's simple, really. You just answer with fewer and fewer letters until your ex gets the hint that you won't be giving him a pity bj anytime soon. Maybe next time he texts you, if the situation calls for it, answer him with "Cool" or like, "that sucks". And then phase that out to "Oh". And then eventually, "k". Until finally, you disappear, never to be bothered by that fuckboy again.
We didn't choose the cold life, the cold life chose us,
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