March 25, 2015
Earlier this week, Ted Cruz announced his candidacy for President, which matters because he’s the first major candidate to start campaigning for 2016. Now it definitely won’t be long before there are like 10 candidates, but for now let’s deal with Ted.
Ted Cruz was born in Canada, which I thought meant you couldn’t be President but I guess it’s not a big deal. He’s also half-Cuban, so where he’s from is pretty confusing. He’s like actually from Texas, so that’s fun too. He’s been a Senator since 2012, which is like three seconds in government years, but he still thinks he deserves to be president.
He’s super fucking conservative. Like, apparently the most conservatve Presidential candidate in 50 years. He wants a federal ban on gay marriage, no more Obamacare, and stricter immigration regulations. Just a guess, but he’s probably not a big fan of legalizing weed.
Early polls in Iowa and New Hampshire say that less than 5% of Republicans would choose Cruz as their first choice. This is pretty rough. Obviously there’s a whole year between now and the primaries, but that’s a big hill to climb. We’ll probably start to get a clearer picture once more candidates announce their presidential runs.
Ted Cruz probably won’t win, but God help us all if he does. Basically everyone is still just waiting on Hillary to run.