Who TF Is Mike Pence?

By Jane Duh

Donald Trump has finally picked the demon who will stand beside him at the End of Days—I mean, his running mate, and it is none other than Indiana Governor and cardboard cutout of an old white businessman, Mike Pence. So who TF is this guy? Well, here’s what you need to know:

1. Remember last year when Indiana signed a bill into law making it legal for businesses to not serve gay people and then it got so much negative attention that the governor had to add an amendment saying it couldn’t be used to not serve gay people? Yeah. That was Mike Pence.

2. Remember how Indiana has some of the strictest abortion laws in the nation? Welp, you can thank Mike Pence for that.

3. Remember the Washington Post’s list of 5 races where the incumbent would likely lose? Say hello to #5! Mr. Mike Pence.

4. You know the Koch brothers? Those super rich guys who choose who the President is by giving him tons of money? Well let me introduce you to their buddy, Mr. Mike Pence…

5. He originally endorsed Ted Cruz. Seriously… 

SO YEAH. If you're seriously thinking of moving to Canada, now would be a good time to start getting your visa in order.

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