September 29, 2014
Unless you live under a rock or are completely engrossed with your boyfriend, ew, then you probs heard that George Clooney got married this weekend. And then you were like WHAT?! I totally forgot he was engaged to that lady with those eyebrows!! And then you googled it and were like who the FUCK is Anal Aladdin again? Well, you weren't alone. Amal Alamuddin is some big deal smart international betch. Here's the deal:
According to the stalkers at People, they were first seen together in London in October where they ate at Berners Tavern then shared a cab ride. She later joined him in Cabo for vaca. The romance continued as she was his Valentine's Day date to a screening of his movie The Monument's Men at the White House. "They held hands all night," squealed President Barack Obama.
They were photographed together again on vacation in March in Seychelles then Tanzania for a four day safari! I'm starting to realize the life of a paparazzi has many travel perks. When they got back to Los Angeles, they were seen on a double date having sushi with their besties John Krasinski and Emily Blunt. On April 3rd he asked her what day it was. That month aka this month she was seen with the ring on her hand. So who's this bitch?
She studied at St. Hughs College, Oxford University and NYU Law. What like it's hard?
She's a humanitarian lawyer. One of her clients is casually Julian Assange. She's worked as an adviser to the UN Special Envoy, Kofi Annan on Syria (so she like, knows what's going on in Syria you guys). She's also legal advisor to the King of Bahrain. It's like, when does she have the time to get her eyebrows threaded?
She was born in Beirut, she speaks Arabic, French and English. We heard she films car commercials in Japan.
She's a published author having written chapters and articles on international criminal law and edited "The Law and Practice of the Special Tribunal for Lebanon." But don't worry, our agent tells us it's not as funny as Nice is Just a Place in France.
She was voted hottest barrister in London. Not to be confused with hottest barista.
So the big question. Why is she the one worthy of George Clooney's 'forever'? We think it's most definitely because of all of the above. At 36 she's 16 years his junior so he's still upholding his reputation of choosing to float off and die rather than spend another minute [in a spaceship] with a woman his age. And she's hot enough. Stacy Keibler wasn't quite there in the brain department as her job as a wrestler didn't compliment George's liberal rights agenda. But marrying a girl named Amal Alamuddin who keeps up with the news and likes a casual safari or two!? I meannnnn. The perfect beard if I ever saw one.