December 30, 2014
During the fall and winter months there are three guarantees in life: People will ask if you are feeling okay because you look ill without the summer glow, you will be ready for bed by 4pm because of daylight savings, and 90% of your friends will magically pull significant others out of the works because: cuffing season.
For a scientific reason still being studied by nerds at some Ivy League school none of us care about other than for sports: when the temperature drops below 32 degrees and the sun must be bought for $19.99 a month, people decide being tied down (and not in the 50 Shades of Grey way) is a brilliant idea.
What explains this ridiculous phenomena? Is it strategic so you have someone to bring to family parties in case your spinster aunt asks why you NEVER have a boyfriend? Is it selfish so you have someone to buy you that expensive wallet for Christmas? Or is it that you want to be wifed up before you lose the beach bod to Christmas cookies and eggnog? Most likely it is a combination of all these factors. Without beach bars and day parties filled with men in pastels and women in high waisted shorts, we settle for happiness in the form of monogamy. We long for a companion to binge watch Netflix with while wearing flannel pants and fuzzy socks.
A timeline of Cuffing Season usually looks like this: Labor day weekend you and all your betches were bikini clad vixens flirting with the shirtless men on the Cape just looking for a good time. You return for Alumni weekend that Fall and a few of them have guys they’ve “met” and are “talking to.” Then New Years comes around and a night dedicated to overpaying for an open bar and champagne toast turns into a couples retreat that will end in couples therapy by Spring.
Regardless of if you have an instinctual clock telling you to settle down during the holidays or if you refuse to succumb to this madness because the cold never bothered you anyway, everyone must agree that it DOES happen and it IS a thing. Word to the wise: If you find yourself participating in Cuffing Season - choose someone that properly fits your spooning requirements, embraces Harry Potter Weekend marathons, and won’t judge you for leg stubble (it grows back within minutes when we’re cold, okay!?)