Why Group Projects Are Literally The Worst

By Golden Gate Betch

Group projects are pretty much the worst thing to happen to higher education since the freshman 15. Not only are you forced to work with a bunch of random public school kids (who are nearly all wife beaters and rapists), but your grade is left in these people’s incapable hands. I would like to know why professors even think group projects are good idea in the first place. The actual material and teamwork skills are about 10% of what a group project teaches, while 90% is how fucking awful the human race can be.

Even though Betches detest doing work and normally pawn off assignments on whichever semi-smart guy in class that wants to hook-up with us, it’s not always that easy in a group project. Usually everyone in the group is dumb AF or an angry lesbian (Murphy’s Law or something IDK), and our most valuable leverage is rendered useless. These idiots do nothing and leave us with four people’s amount of work when we are the ones with social lives to attend to and they are just sitting at home watching reruns of The Big Bang Theory. Ugh.

A Betch will literally spend the entire day dreading her 7pm group meeting, at which she has no choice but to engage in awkward small talk about campus activities and other Geed things she does not give a fuck about. These meetings are doubly worse if they are at someone in the group’s house, which for some reason always seem to smell like patchouli oil and soup. No, a Betch under any circumstances will not volunteer her place for a group meeting. You wouldn’t want the povos thinking you are one of them, or worse, friends. 

Don’t even get me started on the group chat. I’m jealous of our parents, because although they were probably subject to shitty group projects, at least they didn’t have their phone blowing up about “who is taking care of the works cited” when they were trying to get it in.

The only way we can stop group projects from destroying more Friday nights is to spread awareness. Next time your teacher is reading the syllabus and casually drops the G-word, say what everyone else is thinking and ask if  he can fucking not. Nobody likes them, not even the Nice Girls with nothing better to do.




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