February 9, 2015
As a sarcastic writer for a mostly female demographic, you have to be able to step outside the bat-shit box full of estrogen we live in to see and understand how others view us, and observe accordingly. One thing females, especially lately, have been accused of is friend-zoning the nice and caring guys to become infatuated and attracted to the bad boys, the douche bags, the players, and the SABs. Plenty of people have written about why girls fall for them, why girls shouldn’t fall for them, and all the bad shit that happens when you do. That is great and all, but as the President of the Bad Decisions Club when it comes to choosing guys, I have to admit 9 times out of 10 it’s going to fall on deaf ears and girls are going to go do it anyway. I’m not here to judge. I’m not here to preach. I’m here to tell you why choosing the wrong guy(s) can be one of the best things you ever do.
Growing up, for us hard headed kids, we only really learn by mistakes first hand. Oh the stove is hot? Let me touch it just to be sure. The sign says wet paint? I’m going to stick my whole hand on it anyway. We could be lectured on everything from waiting thirty minutes after lunch before swimming, remembering to pee before we go on a road trip, to not eating six Little Debbies before dinner. Regardless of the topic, the lesson never sunk in until we learned it first hand through the consequences. When you get yourself involved with a guy you know (or have been told) is wrong for you - that’s never easy. The Pope could be the one telling you it’s only going to end badly and you’re still going to do it anyway. And it’s good. Because we learn a hell of a lot more from mistakes than we do from success. Without getting involved in toxic relationships like Sammi and Ronnie, there would be no appreciation for the stable and functioning ones like Jesse and Eric Decker. I honestly believe that most betches and bros that cheat on their significant other, do so because they’ve never had it done to them. It takes getting your heart broken to realize you probably don’t want that feeling on your worst enemies. Okay maybe just one or two of them.
I still don’t know if I want a guy that is goofy or sophisticated, a workaholic or a free spirit, or a ball buster versus a sweet talker. We’re young and we’re not supposed to know what we want, but dealing with the wrong guy teaches you what you don’t want. I’ve learned that I don’t want a bro that tells me what I want to hear to appease me - if you’re not ready to make it FBO don’t agree to it. I don’t want a guy whose words and actions contradict themselves - don’t tell me you’re one girl kind of guy if you’re sleeping with other biddies. And most importantly, I will never be happy with a guy that isn’t fluent in sarcasm with a minor in whit. You don’t need to know what you want, because you might not know it until it tries to pick you up with a cheesy pickup line on a Thirsty Thursday. But knowing what you don’t want allows you to weed out candidates and hopefully leave that knight in shining Armani suit left for you to be with. Everyone makes mistakes - the only thing that matters is that you never date the same one twice.