November 26, 2013
Dear Head Pro,
So I went to Atlantic City last weekend with a few friends from high school. On Saturday night, I danced with some guy because my friend was into his friend. We danced for like ten minutes, tops, and then I ditched him after he bought me a shot. Can you please try to explain what the fuck was going on in this guys mind? Like why would anyone send this? Or even keep texting someone that clearly isn't interested?
P.S. I mostly just sent this in because I wanted to publicly humiliate this guy in some way.
Amused and Confused
Dear Amused and Confused,
So I read your email and then I start to read these texts, and I’m like “hey well maybe he’s annoying but why the desire to humiliate him?” Then I get a little further and I’m like “ok, that’s pretty gauche but he’s yoked, good for him.” And then, yeah. Ok, NOW I get it. That’s not something I would advertise. Like, was he jerking off to the thought of fucking you? Because, ok. But he doesn’t say that. He just says it was the “thought” of fucking you. If I had that kind of imagination, I’d never be able to leave my house. Look at it this way, it’s a form of flattery, I guess. Also, it looks like he has a hamster sleeping in his shorts.
This may come as a surprise, but sometimes guys can be fucking morons. Often times, we think a girl is rejecting not us, but our tactics. “Nah dogg, she definitely wants the dizzle, I just gotta figure out how to crack the code,” I imagine him saying before embarking on this series of romantic overtures. “If she doesn’t like compliments, how about pecs?” [...crickets] “Fine, if she doesn’t like pecs, she’s just playing hard to get. I’ll straight up send her the
hamster crotch D.” And so it goes.
One thing, though: You never answered his question. How about it? Could you?
+5 for non-response
+2 for accepting the free booze
-8 for giving him your phone number
-31 for Atlantic City