December 30, 2014
With college football coming to an end, it's time to start pretending to give a shit about another college sport. And where better to start than the top?
Shoutout to the Kentucky Men's Basketball team. Basically the Mean Girls of college basketball.
They're the best and they know it. After finishing finishing second in last year's NCAA Tournament, the men in blue decided they would never lose again. Ever.
Kentucky is not only undefeated, but the squad has been blowing out every team they play. Because being good at basketball is cool. But being really good at basketball without breaking a sweat is even cooler.
Like all good betchy cliques, Kentucky has already lost a member in its quest for basketball domination this year. Sophomore forward Alex Poythress is out for the season with a torn ACL and is just sitting on the bench, trying to recover his swag for next season. It's like when Cady pretends to have a soul at the end of the movie and tries to forget her days as a Mean Girl. The betchiness can be sidelined, but it always comes back. Always.
And as we know, everybody secretly wants to be a mean girl. And a Kentucky fan. Many upstanding members of our society have jumped on the Big Blue Nation bandwagon. Like two of the Backstreet Boys. And Drake.
And then there's the fearless leader of the Wildcats. The Italian Stallion. The Regina George of Kentucky: John Calipari. Calipari looks like he's straight off of the mafia grind. This guy is coming to each game with a hit man waiting to take someone out if Kentucky actually loses.
He has so much power that he even decides when his players are allowed to breathe. There's a price to pay for sitting with the cool kids. Everyone knows that.
Kentucky is the undisputed best team in college basketball. And there's plenty of room on the bandwagon. So get in, loser.