November 18, 2014
Will Smith's children have officially entered the running for most conceited, self-centered celebrities of 2014 - Kanye and Kim have been challenged. Jaden Smith is famous for maybe dating Kylie Jenner and rapping in a Justin Beiber song. He also owns his own clothing line - MSFTS, yeah that thing Kylie and Kendall used to regram in 2012. Willow Smith is the world's youngest one-hit-wonder with "Whip My Hair", which you listened to three times before you remembered you weren't 12 and didn't like Radio Disney anymore. She also starred in one of the worst American Girl Doll movies: Kit Kittredge (at least better than gap toothed bitch Kirsten).
Anyways, they think they're hot shit for some truly unfathomable reason - actually probably Will Smith's God complex became genetic. They did a joint interview for the New York Times Style Magazine that was so self congratulatory it makes me want to take lessons. Nobody knows how to compliment themselves like the Smith children. Here are the best quotes and their translations:
WILLOW: Caring less what everybody else thinks, but also caring less and less about what your own mind thinks, because what your own mind thinks, sometimes, is the thing that makes you sad.
JADEN: When you think about an apple, you also think about the opposite of an apple. It’s a tool for understanding mathematics and things with two separate realities. But for creativity: That comes from a place of oneness.
Translation: I smoked so much before doing this interview, all I can think about is food.
JADEN: That’s another thing: What’s your job, what’s your career? Nah, I am.
Translation: I'm tryna live off my parents' money and marry rich (Kylie HMU).
WILLOW: Me and Jaden just figured out that our voices sound like chocolate together. As good as chocolate tastes, it sounds that good.
Translation: Nothing tastes as good as a platinum record feels.
JADEN: I still haven’t been to driver’s ed because if everybody I know has been in an accident, I can’t see how driver’s ed is really helping them out.
Translation: I failed my driving test literally four times. Plus I have a personal driver. Fucking duh.
WILLOW: I went to school for one year. I was, like, “Oh, now I know why kids are so depressed.”
Translation: Kids need to start taking Xanax.