Winter accessories are pretty much the only things we’re okay with in this freezing weather. Your summer glow has completely faded, the snow has melted to gross slush, and your boots clearly aren’t as waterproof as you had thought. Whether you’re coping with this terrible time by booking spa appointments twice a week or looking up spring break flights, every betch is trying to stay warm- one accessory at a time. Whether you’re slipping on a cashmere beanie after Soul Cycle or sporting a pom pom bigger than your head, let’s discuss what your winter headwear says about you.
Beanies are the high-top sneakers of hats. They’re everywhere and for some reason, everyone thinks they can pull them off. To execute the perfect chill beanie look, you have to be a legit chill betch. Kylie Jenner wannabes, please refrain. The betch who can truly pull off a beanie is usually cool enough to wear Adidas sweats in public and has never watched reality TV.
A cute comeback from the 90’s, the pom-pom hat is the skinny vanilla latte of winter hats. You’re perky, your red nose matches your Brandy Melville sweater, and you prefer Zooey Deschanel over Jennifer Lawrence. Plus, betches who wear pom-pom hats are probably under 5”3, so the pom-pom adds some much needed height. Why wear heels when you can grow a few inches from the size of your pom-pom?
You’re in denial that summer is over and you’re trendy enough to wear white jeans in February. You look down on the “what’s in” column in magazines and you’ve never ordered a vodka soda. Unless you’re Man Repeller or some sort of quasi-celeb, this look is almost impossible to pull off without people staring. Too bad you’re too busy looking at your phone to notice them.
Betches who wear headbands in the winter are usually the betches who wake up twenty minutes earlier than everyone else just to find an outfit that matches. She spends the day inevitably looking into her phone reflection, subtly readjusting the headband. This betch is usually an intern at a magazine and probably spends too much time considering Instagram captions. She’s determined. The headband keeps slipping but she’s not budging—this thing must stay on.