Scientific Study Finds Women More Likely To Marry DownBetches

There Is Now A Scientific Reason Your Friends Keep Marrying Losers

By Jane Duh

Here’s some unsurprising news: researchers at the University of Kansas found that men are more likely to “marry up” (aka marry someone better/hotter/smarter/richer) than women are. 


Excuse me while I pretend to be surprised:

So why is this even a study? I could just look at the dumpster fire that is all my besties’ boyfriends and tell you this shit, but apparently this hasn’t always been the case. It used to be that women were the ones who “married up,” snagging highly educated and professionally successful men because like, they weren’t really allowed to be highly educated or professional themselves.

Now, thanks to feminism, women are allowed to work, and after studying Census data between 1990 and 2011, University of Kansas researchers found that “women’s personal earnings have grown faster than men’s earnings during this time.” So basically, these researchers asked “Who run da world?” and the answer was:

As a result of this rapid growth, the number of female pros in the marriage market “exceeds the number of highly educated men (read: male pros) in the marriage market.” So basically, you and your friends are all dating down, and it’s because you’re just too damn educated. Which is more or less what I've been trying to tell my dad every time he asks why I still don't have a boyfriend, even though he didn't like my last boyfriend because he worked at a smoothie place and didn't have a career. It's not my fault, dad! In fact, it's kind of your fault for paying for my college education. So there.

Who run this mutha?


 

 



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LET IT OUT, HONEY

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