June 30, 2015
Over the weekend you were probably out to dinner with your parents (in an attempt to make up for all your sins from the night before) and your dad started talking about shit going down in the global markets. You probably ordered another glass of wine thinking you were about to endure the millionth lecture on your spending habits but what your dad was talking about was actually Greece’s spending habits...which it turns out aren’t much better than yours.
Apparently Greeks are even worse at managing their credit cards than you are. And just like your dad gets pissed when you go overboard at Neiman Marcus (for the fifth time), the Eurozone is really done with putting up with Greece’s shit.
Basically the Greeks owe a lot of money to international creditors and banks saved their asses with bailouts when they were about to be cut off (like billions of dollars in debt cut off).
Just like your dad yells at you to get a job when your spending gets out of hand, these creditors told Greece to get their shit together and put in place some austerity measures, meaning stop living the good life and raise your taxes, cut your pensions, stop retiring at 58…you get the picture.
They weren’t really into that idea so when the banks came knocking to collect their money, Greece was all “Uh…I promise I’ll do better next time.” Much like your ex said when you guys got back together for the fifth time.
Clearly that never worked out when you caught him on Tinder flirting with some younger girl and the extended deadlines on Greece’s debt kept following a similar path.
Now the shit has completely hit the fan and the deadline isn’t being extended anymore. The banks and the stock market in Greece are closed for the week so people don’t freak the fuck out and take all their money out of the bank. If you think the line at the ATM is long at 6PM on a Friday then you would definitely pass out waiting in this line.
By now you’re probably thinking, “Well WTF does this have to do with me? Where even is Greece?”
It’s actually a big fucking deal because even though Greece is tiny AF and seemingly irrelevant, the fact that it’s in the Eurozone has the ability to affect global markets and since the U.S. trades globally, we could potentially be fucked if Greece goes essentially bankrupt and is forced to exit the Eurozone.
You’ll find out on Sunday what the country decides to do when they vote on whether they should suck it up and accept the austerity measures they’ll have to take to stay relevant and like, alive TBH.
Stock markets all over the world have already been taking hits harder than Lindsay Lohan’s career post Mean Girls. Looks like when you wake up with major Sunday morning regrets (especially after the crazy shit that will go down over the holiday weekend), you’ll know if the Greeks have a few regrets of their own – like ruining the global economy. That might just be worse than chugging an entire bottle of Jose and waking up naked in the Hamptons.